Monday, May 31

I'M MOVING! Tumblr, that is :-)

My new blog home is url is
I think there are some features about blogger that I will miss, but I really just enjoy the interface of Tumblr and the quick and easy options it offers for posting. So like when I wanna share quotes, or just put a picture up, I can.

Oh, and don't worry about not seeing the older posts anymore.... I've moved them all over to tumblr if you ever want to revisit them. The only problem is that the comments are gone, so that'll be gone.

I hope you guys will support my choice and follow me. And I'll try not to move too soon.

In my defense though, it's been about a year with Blogger! Not bad in my opinion!

So this is not goodbye, just see you later :-)


Tuesday, May 25

Me, Myself, and I: Feels Like Day 1

Hey you guys,

So my summer life has officially began. Today was my first day getting up with somewhere to go. But it didn't last long, and I was left with the blaring question of: what to do? The answers I had for myself were overwhelming. I wanted to read, and write, and I wanted to turn in books to the library, and the list goes on and on.

But 1) it was hella hot outside and 2) I was scared I was gonna run out of things to do.

In my defense, though, I did take the night to finish making finishing touches to my hair (which will be in an upcoming post), so that's where most of my time went. And I finished reading a book! But this general lack of emptiness around me is a little unsettling. It's bad enough that I already sometimes have bouts of self-induced mental loneliness, and now my surroundings are mimicking the inside. This empty suite, empty a couple of other empty things... I really got to not let this get to me.

I'm pretty sure I just need to get in the swing of things. So, as always, I'm excited for an influx of STUFF to do, even though I know when it happens I'm gonna feel overwhelmed. ::shrug:: The circle of life at its best.

Made me realize, I'm scared of lonely, #noBeyonce. I don't like having an empty life. Like I always need work, or friendships, or a hobby or a boyfriend or something to keep me occupied. When I have too much free time I have to start pondering stuff that I'd decided to leave in the past. It's not always bad, since sometimes good stuff comes out of it.

Like today, I decided it was time to forgive someone. It was someone who's hurt me, although I'm not sure if they're aware or not that they did. And if they are aware, I think they're still too ruthless to even be concerned about it. but it's fine. Because I thought I'd left it alone when I decided that I hated strongly disliked them. But you haven't really moved on until you get to the stage of nonchalance, meaning, not caring. Because hating takes just as much energy as loving. And I have finally entered the stage of nonchalance.

Anyway, that was a random update. Long story short, I'm just ready to be busy and occupied again. And I need to be sleep! AAAHHH!

:-) TTYouGuysLater
♥ Shay

Wednesday, May 19

New Poem: Love Me or Leave Me Alone

This poem was inspired by a venting session with my bestie and my Scorp. A mesh of fact and fiction, the hypothetical and the actual, people you know and people you never heard of. So you don't have to ask me who this is about :-)

Love Me or Leave Me Alone
Love me or leave me alone
...didn't understand it until now
you taunting me with your new gf
Yet still keeping in touch with me...

Love me or leave me alone
Apologizing for falling out of touch
And still keeping yourself distanced
Helps nothing but my irritation and questions

Love me or leave me alone
Both simultaneously isn't an option
I've already proved my commitment
Honestly I'm tired of  trying and losing
Pulling me down this endless road
The fucked up part is-- I care so much
I'd just about let you, too.

Love me or leave me alone
You're holding up progress to my happiness
You can be a part of that picture or not;
Give me an answer before I snap...

Beating around the bush
Trying to have me and her
Popping up when your life's convenient.
Being a woman in a feeling
Doesn't obligate me to wait
And waiting ain't wising you up
So let me explicitly say:

Love Me or Leave Me Alone
   Hoping for the former
   Praying it ain't the latter
   Grateful for an answer
if you give me either.

Lessons From Sophomore Year

So last year I did a note on lessons I learned from Freshmen year. (Link >>> here)

Well, I decided it was time to do it again. So here goes.

1. Your REAL friends return for another year. You all might get busy and start to miss each other, but no one forgets about the other.
2. New friends come along, and if they belong, they just FIT. Meaning, you don't feel like you're forced to change for them.
3. Sophomore year comes and you start to see the snakes in the grass.
4. It's amusing watching freshmen learn the same lessons you learned.
5. Some people have never had to financially take care of themselves before. So they don't understand questions like "How much is your cell phone bill?" or statements like "I need gas money."
6. Declaring a major is hard because you have to start thinking about real life.
7. People are [STILL] there to help you. Just because you're not a freshmen anymore doesn't mean you won't still need someone to talk to you, to tutor you, to help you study, etc.
8. Even I, with all my flaws, has something to teach someone.
9. Mentoring is so amazing! And it's not just about what you can teach, but also what you can learn.
10. When people do wrong by you, the feeling that follows hurt is apathy.
11. There are still reasons left not to give up on the male species. There are some out there that are true gentlemen.
12. Dress for yourself. Because if you don't dress up, people got something to say. If you do dress up, people got all the questions in the world about where you going and who you dressing up for.
13. Good friends can support you, even if they don't understand.
14. Too much alcohol - food = bad idea.
15. The best birthdays are with good friends.
16.The world thinks that successful black women can't get married.
17. Sometimes, the people who look they're trying to be a part of the solution are the whole damn problem to begin with.
18. You get burned out on lower BD food before the first semester is over.
19. Nikki Giovanni is so real, I can understand why the FBI might have had her on a list.
20. Shihan is still fine, even though he is married with kids, and he cut his hair off.
21. Family Guy, after you get used to the humor, is your favoritest show to watch at two in the morning.
22. Pastor Kearney Thomas is HIGHlarious lmao. But also somewhat of an embarrassment.
23. Twitter brings drama that we haven't seen since the invention of the picture phone. (see video below for clarification)

24. The things your parents don't know about you grows and grows. But it's not so bad now because you're getting old enough to make choices like that.
25. Waking up is sometimes harder than just staying up.
26. Sometimes you have not because you ask not. So just ask.
27. Every new year in hip-hop and rap makes you wonder how people like Waka and Soulja boy are making all the money, and people like B.O.B. and Wale are struggling.
28. I look good with bangs

29. You have to learn to give yourself more credit for your accomplishments. Most people are so busy with their own lives that everyone doesn't always have time to stop and pat you on the back.
30. People who support you make time to help you cope.
31. A blender makes dull Friday nights so much better.
32. Hulu and Netflix gives your computer a whole new purpose.
33. God's grace and mercy is so real, even when you're too busy to believe it.
34. People read my blog! ♥
35. You just got to live your life the way that makes you happy. If you do that, don't let the other ish get too deep under your skin, and know that everything happens for a reason, you paint yourself a beautiful life.

I'm stopping at 35 this year. ♥ Thanks to everyone who has helped me learn this year and have been with me throughout the school year; I love you all:
Jacqui, Chavelle, Lamar, Ryadah, Jerrica, Riean, Twin BayBay, Liz, Ms. LaShawnda, J-Strong, Portia, Natalie, Teaire, my Mommy!, my Daddy! ..............and any other names I forgot, insert here _________!

Leave your comments and your lessons learned!
♥ Shay

Sunday, May 9


Hey all, I know you haven't heard from me in a while, but I promise that it is not entirely all my fault!

School has been so hectic, and I just haven't had that much time to spare on my blog.
My Bad, I do better, I promise :-)

Anyway, here are some things you've missed:
1. I met Nikki Giovanni and I love her even more.
2. I've decided to go natural. More details on that later.
3. I'll be in St. Louis for the summer, working, RAing, and summer schooling.
4. I'm getting Lucie (my car!) back. But I'm going to rename her :-)
5. I went home this weekend and had a really good time and regained some sanity.
6. I am in the process of a closet and clothes overhaul.

Okay, that's it for now. I will talk to you all soon! It's a promise!

♥ Shay Solace G.

Monday, April 26

Here's a "Have A Better Life" Tip

Every time you complain,
 Mirror it with something you're grateful for.

It'll keep your life in balance,
remind you that it's not so bad,
and over time minimize your complaints.

Happy Monday all!
♥ Shay

Wednesday, April 14

I Go Insane, Crazy Sometimes...

 I Love Maxwell! This is my favorite song from the Phoneixrising album. Yes, even more than Pretty Wings. He's supposed to be coming to Saint Louis with Jill Scott. Hopefully I won't miss him this time. I really love the old school video feel. Just him and the stage and the camera. It's nice. Enjoy you guys.

Simplified Complicated

After my last post, I got to talking to my booski via skype about sex without love, and then some more stuff. I love having smart friends, because they're capable of juggling complex ideas with you and can be okay with not reaching a solution.

Summary: we came to the conclusion that I like things in life a little complicated...or elaborate, if you will. It's a bittersweet addiction. On one end, my complicated life keeps me on my toes, keeps me motivated, moving, working towards something, it's exciting! But on the other side of the coin, complicated can get dirty, stressful, tiring, painful, and leave me running for the hills.

Which brings me to the point that I like my simplicity. I do. But I know I don't want a simple life. For one, I'll always be expecting it to go belly-up and get wayyyy out of line. Or if it doesn't do that, I'd just be bored, and probably settle into some pattern of complacency of life.

So how do I balance the two? I make simple choices in a complicated life. My friend argued back that you can't make simple choices for everything, and my counterargument was that I just have a simple procedure for reaching my conclusions and stances on things.  Why? Because life is gonna be complicated regardless of what plans you make. People with the best plans can still have fucked up lives. So why exert the extra effort of trying to avoid the inevitable?

I rather save that adrenaline for when the storm comes instead of hyping myself up on what MIGHT happen. I spent a good part of my life always worried bout what would happen next and the consequences of not weighing all the options of the future, blah blah blah.  Well, I don't even know all the options of the future, and all I really know is where I come from and what I am in the very moment. Everything else is a foolish attempt to play God. And trying to be God is a move that the devil himself knows isn't a good role to try to play.

I focus on the here and now and doing the best i can at the margin of time closest to me. When it feels too mundane, i reevaluate myself for complacency, for a decrease in drive, for a decrease in love of life. Because the easiest way to make it through life is to go through loving it. And if you aren't loving live, then life is just happening to you and you're not living at all.

I'm a complicaed being, I know. And I feel so misunderstood so much. I felt misunderstood having the conversation that this post stemmed from. I feel like my parents don't get me, and even my very best friends will attest that they've had their moments where all they could say was "WTF are you doing Shay?" Just for me to look at them, give them what I think is a  logical answer, and them still just writing it off as whatever.

I don't really take it personal anymore. Okay, that's a lie, I kinda sorta get in my feelings. But I remember that they have moments I don't understand them and just let it be.

It's hard being complicated sometimes, but I would hate to be simple and boring. I don't know. Maybe I already am.
Because I really want some tulips...

♥ Shay

Monday, April 12

How Do They Do It? [#cosign]

Was talking to one of my god-sisters tonight, and we somehow brought up the poem "Sex Without Love" by Sharon Olds. This is one of those poems that led to interesting conversation my summer at SWP (shoutouts to Carleton!) and that I still cling to. Mainly because it's opening question is one that I really want to have answered. Some people are capable of seperating the physical from the emotional, or so it seems. How do they do it? Or even better, is it possible to have sex without love? And if it isn't possible, doesn't that mean that the people who think it possible are lying to themselves?

Check out the poem. It's one of my favs:

Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds

How do they do it, the ones who make love
without love? Beautiful as dancers,
gliding over each other like ice-skaters
over the ice, fingers hooked
inside each other's bodies, faces
red as steak, wine, wet as the
children at birth whose mothers are going to
give them away. How do they come to the
come to the come to the God come to the
still waters, and not love
the one who came there with them, light
rising slowly as steam off their joined
skin? These are the true religious,
the purists, the pros, the ones who will not
accept a false Messiah, love the
priest instead of the God. They do not
mistake the lover for their own pleasure,
they are like great runners: they know they are alone
with the road surface, the cold, the wind,
the fit of their shoes, their over-all cardio-
vascular health--just factors, like the partner
in the bed, and not the truth, which is the
single body alone in the universe
against its own best time.

Mhmz.... food for thought. What side of the fence do you sit on?

Monday, March 29

An Update

Hey Loves---
I know that I've been MIA for a while, and I'm sorry. To be quite honest, life as been a little more rocky that I've been able to easily manage, so I've been living task to task for a couple of weeks.

But there's nothing like a sunny Monday to renew your strength :-)

I won't go into details, but just know that I'm currently in a place where my life and my future is a little hazy. And though it looks like it depends on me, these choices coming up aren't totally in my hands. Well, that's the way I feel...

Another idea I'm exploring: maybe I'm not doing what I truly want. I mean, I think there was a point in my life where I didn't really trust my own judgement about making my life decisions, so I took someone's good idea for my life and owned it. And was pretty satisfied with doing that for as long as I didn't have that many problems. But thinking about it, I let go of many of the real dreams I had a long time ago. And though people say "just do you" it's more complicated than that.

"ME" is essentially what people have given me. It's not the same as someone reluctantly wanting what someone has given them and owning it to look like what they really want. So for me to "just do me" means going back to square one, going after my passion and making no compromises. It means totally reassessing who I am and where I see myself going.

It's a scary jump, yo.

And right now I don't know if it's worth it. I'm so far in with the path I'm on, I don't know if I'm actually bold enough to retrace my steps.


it's not the end of the world, and i believed doing what i love is important. but i also believe that i can learn to love something....

give me time you guys.

♥ Shay

Monday, March 8

Coffee, No Cream, Please

Actually, I can't even drink me anxiety attacks.

But the title comes from the often-used phrase, "Milk in my Coffee," usually referring to interracial dating and the such. This topic, ladies and gentlemen, is brought to you by way of this article over at Three Ways to Take It. I won't do the article an injustice by trying to summarize it. As always, I highly encourage you to go read it yourself if you're interested.

But I said all that to say...that I felt a need to respond to this one. So, for your enjoyment, what I have to say about alot of stuff, especially being a black [almost] woman and all these messages telling me to date outside the box:

March 8, 2010 at 12:42 am
Although I’m sure this is a conversation for much more “grown people,” I couldn’t resist commenting.

In my short 20 years of life and “relationships,” I haven’t actually considered dating outside my race. Even attending a PWI, where the black community is small and filled with enough drama to create a Lifetime movie, I still have a strong passion for black love.

I’m not racist, but there isn’t anything attractive about white men to me. I will admit to have a small crush on Puerto Rican dudes, but that’s another story. I love and appreciate each and every culture that makes this world of ours go round, but…I have yet to meet someone outside my race that catches my attention and makes me want to pursue them.

And yes, I have noticed the interracial talk seems to get more and more spark every day. Everywhere I turn, it seems to say that the only options I have as a black woman is to be a ghetto hood chick that wants a thug, or become educated and successful and turn into a bitch that looks down on all black men. It’s like a black woman with any type of intellect will find herself strongly disappointed with black male prospects. And I find it to be far from the truth.

I think black men and women need to quit giving up so easily on each other. We’ll keep having problems if everybody nags and no one listens to the other. And men and women are just that, no matter what their race or culture is. Dating outside your race doesn’t erase the relationship problems.

I, too, am fine with what people choose to do, as long as they’re happy and not dragging someone else down in the process. I just know that [when] I daydream about being swept of my feet one day….I mean, when I think about my future…it’s usually me with a black guy.

Shay, the college girl.

That's Just How I Like It ::Kanye shrug::

So do you like your coffee? Or do you even life coffee? And am I the only one who reads the messages out there like this?

As always, with ♥
♥ Shay

Sunday, March 7

Why you have a FB, a twitter, a formspring, skype, and another IM service

Okay, all of ya'll most of us have been lying.

And whether you're aware of your lying, and you're just putting on a front for others, or if you actually believe your own hype, then that's another thing in yourself.

I think I've touched on this before somewhere, but our generation is so freaking connected. We are truly in an era where distance has less of an impact on bonds and communications. I often joke with people that I use my phone so many other things than calling people. I pay ATT too damn much mostly for the chance to

*check my email * text all day * tweet from class * make skype calls * read blogs on the go * sync my calendar * check FB for new photos * share photos * get the picture.

Why do we need all this? Why do I need to keep up with which password is for which site or which app? How come the question "Tell me something people don't know about you" is becoming harder and harder to answer.

We say it's to keep in touch with friends. Some of us might even admit to it because, "everybody was doing it." But that's not a real reason. It's time to be real.

Everybody has a million ways to be connected because we all want to be heard.
We want to be important to someone. There is a need and compulsion to grabbing for attention.

Objection: "I don't do it [tweet, fb, blog, whatever] for attention. "
Response: You sure ain't doing it for your health. If it wasn't for attention, then you wouldn't have had a need to post it in the first place.

Objection: "I could care less what people have to say about it."
Response: Yeah, you could care less, but the point is you do care! Shoot, you care that people care.

I'm not saying that wanting attention is a bad thing. I'm just saying that it's a natural thing we do as people. We reach. We reach and we hope that if we reach out enough, someone will reach back. And today's technology gives us so many arms to reach with. But somehow, we still end up coming up short.

Having so many ways to reach people has changed our focus from quality to quantity. How many people can we reach is the new goal. Even if it isn't, that's how it ends up happening. Our generation misses out so much on the depth that used to define relationships, friendships, etc. It's so easy to make friends and connections now that the work it took to getting to know someone is gone.

This is what ends up happening: one day you need a REAL friend, and realize that none of the 300 "friends" you have on Facebook can help. Rubs me weirdly. And the other thing that happens: you try to tell someone about yourself, and you realized that all the basics have been covered in your blog. Then what do you talk about?

These are just my ideas...and like I said, we all want to be heard. Lol.
What are your thoughts?

♥ Shay

Tuesday, March 2

[UPDATED Shoe Report] I Think I Can...

...make it through lent without losing my mind breaking my promise.

I gave up
1. Fried food
2. Sodas
which is medium difficulty to get rid of. That means no chips, no fries, no tots, no chicken tenders...etc. And no cokes, sprites, or even cherry coke zero....gah! lol.

Other things I considered giving up:
- all bottled drinks
- chocolate
- cursing
- twitter
- facebook

but clearly I can't live life without these! And I can't be lying to God...

*No, I'm not Catholic, but I respect and understand the purpose of lent and what it can do for ones relationship with God, so I decided to give it a chance.

Other News:

I got my hair cut. Not the back, but mostly from the top and sides. So my hair is definitely at a cut I haven't experienced before.
Clearly this isn't the best picture of me, but it's only for the sake of the hair.
I was really happy with the whole process...the relaxer was gentle but effective, the cut wasn't too drastic, but different and fitting. Plus, I left feeling like a million bucks great.

Also, I will soon be the proud owner of these:

Rashida, in Red
I was sooo happy when these showed up in my Shoedazzle showroom. I've been wanting a. cutout booties and some b. red pumps for a while, so this was like a 2-for-1. As everyone has asked me, no, I don't know where the hell I'm gonna wear these, since there's no way I'm about to be walking to class in the snow in these bad boys...but who knows... if the weather acts right, I might compromise.

So that's it. I'm having a good Friday. :-) And that makes me happy :-) You need to have a good weekend too!
♥ Shay

**Updated to Say**
I wore Rashida this past Friday afternoon. It was a beautiful day and another good friday. I will say, these baby girls are high, but I love them! My foot was nice and snug, which felt nice, until I was standing up too long. Lol. These are definitely for show, so make sure you show 'em right when you do.

Hate Isn't Strong Enough

So I'm watching this movie in class called Mandingo and I am infuriated!!! I know it's part of my history but seeing how blacks were treated and thought about is so infuriating!

I can't take this. I might come back to this topic later.

- Posted by Shay from my iPhone

Sunday, February 28

Good News, Good Thoughts...

Hey bloggers... I have a lot of good news in this negativity.

First of all, I applied for two positions for next year, and I got them BOTH! I will be a TRIO Leader and an RA! Whoop whoop! These two positions will really give me a chance to be involved in the WashU community and give me the outlet to help people the way I want to. It's helping me with my college goal of leaving my imprint on this school in some way.

Also, I'm still loving my friends. For days. They're the one's who love me even when I make foolish mistakes. And they're the ones whose back I will always have. We can be silly together, listen to each others problems, and help solve them if need be. :-)

I have a (re)New(ed) motivation to get my life together, to do what I need to do. And I know that sounds cliche, but when you've been in place where you truly thought you weren't worthy of being or was sure that the only end was failure, then you know that this drive to keep it moving and press forward in confidence is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Even something simple as needing a new laptop battery--God is making a way for it to happen. 

My sister is being blessed too! New car, new job, a slight raise! it makes me happy to see her happy. So yayyy!

There are some other things too, but I'll stop there.

In general, I'm just grateful. In the scope of life in general, I know that some don't have it as well as I do, and to a large degree, I'm not worthy. I'll just continue to take them as they come, and not take anything for granted.

Monday, February 22

I'm Often Reminded of This

...have no expectations for anything.

No expectations means no disappointments.

♥ Shay

Tuesday, February 16

Click It...U Know You Wanna...

Hey all,

I don't really have much to say today, but I've been chewing over some of the stuff I've read. Some of these bloggers I know personally, and some of them I've just stumbled upon. If you're looking for something interesting to read, or you just want a new blog to stumble on, check out these:

Single Black Male tells you what makes him feel insecure...
The Fly Guy wants to know who you think is the hottest celebrity couple...
Over at Fourth Thursday, he discusses black love and relationships, and the idea of "worth"...
Then go to All Who Wander to see how she responded to Fourth Thursday...

Bonus: The first Rihanna video I've liked in a long time!

Have a good day!
♥ Shay

Sunday, February 14

Valentine's Day + Love + My Life + Take Notes

This is one of the best Valentine's Day of the 21 that I've had. And it's not just because of what I got from's also because of the general state of my life at the moment. Things are well, and I'm so grateful for that in itself.
Some things of note today:

I woke up to these at my door :-)

Then I was able to have a really good brunch with two of my friends. The food was good and the conversation was better! Shoutouts to JG and LJ! 

Also, I have two formspring questions that I answered today that I want to share with you guys.
The first one:

Q: Who is someone at WashU that you look up to? Preferably an upperclassman/woman..

A: so i accidentally deleted my first answer to this one won't be as prolific lol. I feel that there are many upperclassmen women that have done great and amazing things for me, and I LOVE ALL THEM SO FREAKING MUCH. For all the good advice and consoling and nights of hanging out together. It makes me feel all warm inside. With that being said, I don't want to name all of them because I know I'll probably forget someone, and I don't want to name just one because I know that there are so many more that I would have to acknowledge.
These are not lies you guys. Lol. I'm so grateful for the people that I've met at WashU that have been such a great support system and some of them just a lot of freaking fun!

The next:

Q: Do you believe in true love? Like the kind that lasts forever? And do you think you've found it yet?
A: I've found true love in God...because my relationship with him is the prototype for all my other relationships of love. 

Yes, I do believe in true love. I'm a sucker for love, and just becoming knowledgeable in the many shapes and guises and posers of love. I believe that there is love that lasts forever, even if it does seem rare for the my generation and the generation after us...but I think it just takes a little longer to learn :-)

I don't know if I've found true love. I feel that true love has the power to stay with you through MANY phases of life... Since I've been dating, I would say my life has only had one or two phases. So I don't know if my true love is already here or if I have yet to find it... And I don't think I've had enough trails to test the durability of it either. Give me a couple more years and see what I think then... I'll have more experience and evidence by then.

I think that one is pretty explanatory. I talk about love enough and have plenty of past posts for you to know a little bit more about that.

And finally, this was on my twitter feed, and I had to RT it and post it here. 

For you dudes who don't like Trey Songz, just get past your feelings for a minute and realize the validity of these words... #imjustsayin

I know alot of this stuff has come up because it's Valentine's Day, and I know all of it is because of life being a freeway with many overlapping lanes, etc. But it was just cool how all of this has kind of fallen together in one day and how I'm a pretty happy girl at the moment. Go me!

I hope you were able to spot the love and find some appreciation in this day too, whether single or together. The love in our lives comes in so many forms, don't worry about getting caught up in just one. Love is a shape-shifter.

♥ (and not just because of the holiday!)

P.S.: it wasn't until this post that I realized I didn't have a tag for happiness. How'd that happen?

Also, I was reminded of this video. It's called "For You" by David Ryan Harris. Enjoy it!

Thursday, February 11


Usually when Thursday comes I have some type of energy, because I know that if I can just make it to 8:00, my week of classes will be over. However, today ain't the case. I got about a good 7 hours of sleep, but I am exhausted right now. Slept through one class, probably gonna be a super dead in this next one....and let's not even get started on this 5:30-8:00 French.

Jesus, take the wheel. And I guess I'll finally get out this bed. But's still gonna be a longgg day.
I wish you all better than me,
♥ Shay

Friday, February 5

This is a Poemtry :-)

This was so impromptu...tell how you feel about it....

Just Guessing
wind hits windowpanes
thoughts hit the brain
what-if's and maybes
tap on my imagination
don't have answers
just ungranted wishes
wind turns to rain
questions turn the same
it could be maybe
it could happen possibly
there is no certainty
just fog and blur
inside and outside
mhmz...i wonder...

♥ Shay

Wednesday, February 3

Being in Love by Yourself

is not something I'm trying to do again.

I was reading --->THIS over at jaychanelle's page. No, definitely go read it...the girl is on her ish. Anyway, she starts talking about how relationships are not 50/50, an how sometimes you have to bend for the other. This is a truth I acknowledge and agree fully with. But I, along with a bunch of experienced people, can tell you that sometimes this can become a guise for being in love all by yourself.

So what does it mean to be in love by yourself? It's when you feel like you're the only person who want need the relationship to last. Your spouse seems nonchalant toward you or lazy in the relationship. You look up one day and you're the only one calling, always making the plans, and having to be the first one to say "I Love You" "We Need to Talk." Before you realize you're in love by yourself, you might make up excuses like "s/he appreciates me, they just don't know how to show it." or "S/he just doesn't have the time, but s/he loves me."

These are all false. Not to steal jaychanelle's thunder, but if someone is really serious about being in a relationship, they make the time. They'll find a way to juggle homework and quality time for you. And they learn how to says "thank you" or, as they should, reciprocate the feelings. Being in love by yourself might make you look like a hero in some way--fighting for love despite the lack of help--but you're not. You're just weighing yourself down.

I won't discount the people who have stuck it through, even when they were getting nothing, and are now stronger than ever. This is the exception. Too often, it's not until they are in jeopardy of losing something that people finally make the choice to give support in the relationship. My question is: if it takes the threat of losing you (especially if this has to happen repeatedly) for someone to be the type of mate you need, do you really want to be with them?

Like I said before, I don't want to have to do this again. I've done it, and it can weaken you, it can weaken your trust in relationships. Don't let yourself be subject to it. Even more, don't put yourself through it. If a guy or girl tells you that they're not ready for a relationship or they can't give you what you need, believe them. I'm sorry, but the whole "I'll still be here for you" while still hoping in the back of your mind that one day they'll be indebted to you for your support....ain't gonna work.

I'm not trying to kill dreams here, but just trying to say, if you allow the lies to go on too long, you'll start to feel like a victim of love and be around here like Amy Winehouse, calling love a losing game.

Don't be in love by yourself. If you are, you better off letting whoever that is go and just being in love with yourself.

Until next time,
♥ Shay

P.S. -- If you already think love is a losing game, check out Amy below:

Saturday, January 30

Why It's Good to Have Friends

Look, we all need friends. Seriously. If you're walking around pretending you're a loner with no friends, cut the bull and stop lying to yourself. In this big old world, there is somebody out there that is like you or even different from you that you are compatible with. Most of the time you don't have to look far from where you currently are to see them. But they're out there. And when you have good friends, you're quality of life shoots through the roof. Your conversations get deeper and your weekends get better. And begin to realize that even if life is beating the ish out of you, somebody out there has your back. 

It's a good feeling. Shoutout to all my friends, near me and far from me, old and new, serious and more crazy. Love all you guys.

On a note to end on.... everybody is always bragging about haters...bump that. They're irrelevant and take up too much room. Trust me, I'd rather have friends over haters any day.

♥ Shay

Wednesday, January 27

Back in Session

So school is back in session. Been that way for about a week now. I have been swamped beyond belief. I promise, if it wasn't for Google Calendar and my iPhone, I would be screwed.

Anyway, my current goals for the semester are just to get some healthy habits in my life. Like waking up at the same time in the morning, though going to sleep is currently a #fail. Oh well, no one's perfect, and I won't change overnight.

I'm kind of in a blah place right now. I don't really get to see much of anyone I'm close to, seeing as how we're all so busy that we are always on the run. I guess that's why it's good to be active in college. Because if you're not busy with your own agenda, you start to feel neglected because of someone else's schedule.

No worries, mine is full. Which is why I'm mad at myself for letting 3am sneak up on me with not work done. This is NOT okay. I have got to get some rest.

To everyone else, hold on out there in the college battle. Or life battles! All you have to know is that persistence can pick up the slack wherever you might have it.

♥ Shay

Thursday, January 14


Pontaillac Beach, Royan, France. (source)

So I really had a bunch of ideas floating in my head, some which float a lot. I really just needed somewhere to put them all.
  • People walk in and out of our life all the time. The only time it's a problem is when we weren't ready for them to go just yet.
  • Cheating happens so often and shamelessly these days. It makes the idea of a relationship (let alone marriage) seem useless. Why build a fence if you gonna jump it anyway?
  • I wonder how our generation ended up with perspectives on life so different and so far from the morals and standards of our parents? Has that much about life changed that quickly?
  • People not knowing where you are is hard nowadays. Between Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, Skype, whatever... people can always find you.
  • Furthermore, it's hard to preserve mystery. All our business is everywhere. You can't even hide your birthday because there's some website somewhere telling it all.
  • I'm a little bi-polar. Because one day, I don't care about sharing about me, and some days I BEG for privacy and can't find it.
  • Friends can get you in trouble. Friends can also get you out of trouble.
  • Right now, I really want to go on a fun bowling, or bumper carts, followed by dinner at a diner or something, a nice walk, a hug and kiss goodnight...mannn that would be so much fun.
  • The abundance of foolery and ignorance is really gonna dumb down our society at some point. It's gonna be a sad day when you can get a high school diploma without knowing what a book is.
  • If I ever have kids one day, I'm gonna have to move to Canada. or France. or hell, maybe China. Somewhere where school will be challenging and they're forced to live to their potential.
  • Secondary [correction: tertiary] education aka college costs a lot of freaking money. Since it's becoming so necessary in life, when is the USA gonna step up and make this ish free?
  • Putting all my random thoughts someplace makes me feel good. :-)
Til next time loves...
         ♥ Shay

Sunday, January 10


What is the balance between living life the way you want to and adhering the advice and concerns of others?

I'm finding that the satisfaction I pledged to obey in 2010 is being challenged left and right by various people. It's only difficult because it comes from the mouths of loved ones. Those are the people you don't really want to disappoint. And I wonder, am I being stubborn and foolish, or is it just my confidence??

I find that what people suggest I be just doesn't fit who I want to be right now. I'm 20 years old, and I'm at a point in my life where I want to see certain things, try to do certain things, etc. And to manage my money like some or to have fun like some doesn't work for me. What to do?

Don't mistake this for trying to live for's just trying to figure out how to best live for myself. I can accept that I don't always know best...but when do I actually know what's best for me?

Help me figure this out you guys! Leave a comment. Message me. Text me. Call me...Just give me some answers. You can even answer anonymously if you have something to tell me about myself that you can't personally say.

Living. Loving. Forgiving.
♥ Shay

Friday, January 8

Words to Live By...

Live. Love. Forgive.

Those are the words that I'm using as a guide for a while. Hearing about a terrible car accident recently and seeing how it affects so many lives almost instantly really makes me want to get the MAX out of life.

I want to hear from YOU! What words do you live by? What's your mantra, your motto, you guide? 

Leave a comment and share! Pretty please! :-)

♥ Shay

Saturday, January 2

New Year, New Focus

Happy New Year Blog fam!

It's 2010 and that means a new decade is approaching of life to live and mistakes to make. You know how that goes.

I don't have an official New Years resolution like I usually do-- though I like lists and could easily make one. This year though, I'm keeping it simple. I'm trying to make and pick up good habits in my life. It's not about reaching a target goal...just changing slowly.
Also, my theme this year is ME. I have so much that I've done for others while not thinking about me. Well, if I don't take care of me, who will? It's not a selfish thing, it's self-protection. I'm gonna have to tell people no a little more. And I'm gonna be to myself some. And hopefully this won't anger anyone. But if it does...
::Kanye Shrug::

We can't live our lives the way people want us to. We are the drivers behind the wheel, and we can take directions from our passengers, but it doesn't mean we have to follow them.

So are you gonna drive or what?
- Posted by Shay from my iPhone