Friday, December 25
Monday, December 21
Tuesday, December 8
I don't know why you're doing what you're doing to me or my life right now. As always, I really want to know, but I know how good you are at keeping your plans a secret from me. I just want to say, so that it's heard, that I am breaking right now. I keep trying to believe I'm not weak and to trust that it is you in others tell me I'm supposed to be here, but I really don't know if this is for me. If this was last semester, my prayer would have only been to end this, any type of way possible. However, now I want to get through this, but I want to get through it well, with a not-so-bad outcome. But it looks so bad right now....please help.
Still trusting you, but trying to play my part.
Sunday, December 6
I used to think these poems were about you
And you still do, don't you?
Even when it’s you, these are still my feelings
It just needs to be known that iFeel
Not being able to get over you is embarrassing.
like spinach in your teeth
shower singing on live TV
like tripping UP the stairs
multiple times, no alcohol
like needing the ingredient list to Mac and cheese
Some things should be obvious and easily avoided but you
like smoke in fabric
Newport’s in my sheets bugging me out of my sleep
like dust in the air
you linger like a hangover the next morning
or the squealing ring from last night's loud music
like people with nowhere else to be
all proof of When Pleasure takes a Sharp Left and becomes A Pain in the Ass...
also: like wallets of me and you from semi's and formals
like that teddy bear you gave me that my mom refuses to throw away
or all those poems I wrote when you weren't my pain in the ass
Damn, I wish you'd go away
like I wish away pimples
like I wish I wasn't a girl every 21-23 days
like I wish away st. louis rains and winds, bad little cousins,
nightmares, and headaches
like I wish away being broke, like I wish away my fear of trusting again,
like I wish away those damn papers I should be writing right now
These clichés are for a cliché topic you
as you were (oops) as you are
all talk not many actions
declarations of love acts of selfishness
all get no give
Still, you charming, better than subpar but far from being worthwhile
I be damned if we don't love the classics.
And the classics die hard:
you will be back again
before bell-bottoms return
before people stop praising all-things-Beyonce
before another dumb ass tries to single-handedly take over Russia
and you'll try to inch and squirm back to where you used to be
and be 'just friends' until you think I'm your only option left
honestly, a twinge of me guiltily enjoys you
like a second piece of cake
like reading somebody else's diary
like knowing the words to a Miley Cyrus or Gucci Mane song
(but just a little, so don't get crazy or all caught up in your emotions)
I'm just saying the dumb shit you do tickles me!
Typical like clichés everywhere I turn
and as annoying as you are, I can't get you
or these damn clichés
far away from me
Guess I just gotta suck it up and find a way to live with you
like bad ass drivers
like dumb smart people
like paying taxes
like my momma
like red lipstick on cheeks left by old church ladies
like ParkMudd ice cream stealers
LIKE SMART DUMB PEOPLE
Monday, November 30
I haven't posted any of my poetry in a while. And I concluded that it has much to do with my poetry writing class. The truth is, I'm writing more poetry now than ever before, but I'm just not publishing it anywhere. Also, the workshop sessions that we do--where about 12 other people (constructively) rip your work to pieces--does something to the ego. I'm not so anxious to deliver a poem here if I know it might suck. But I plan to change that. After finals are done (2 weeks!) I plan to get back in the habit of posting poems in search of some feedback. So be ready to give it!
To all the other college kids out there, good luck with finals, and hopefully I can give you all some tips in the next few days or so about how to stay calm in the midst of the storm.
Monday, November 16
I hate it how it makes noon feel like evening time. I hate how it makes me carry around my umbrella, waiting for the rain to fall.
I especially hate how it makes me want to stay in all day and sleep.
Today is going to be difficult, with these grey skies and all. And then it's a Monday, my least favorite day of the week.
Never the less, I'm still blessed.
I'm alive. I have clothes and shoes. I still have a job. My bills are paid. I only have one class today.
For all the things that aren't done or aren't done right in my life at the moment, I still gotta say thank you.
Make moves people, and be happy.
Wednesday, November 4
Trey Songz has finally released the video for I Invented Sex. And after watching that, I might have to second the validity of that statement. Everything about this video yells sexy, and if you don't believe me, then just watch it for yourself below:
He is not playing at all... What I would pay to be ol' girl right now. Mhmzzz. Good move by Trey of removing Drake's verse from the video. Drake, I love you, but...
Be careful where you watch this. Definitely not for a public computer. NSFW indeed.
Monday, November 2
Saw this on twitter....
DevinFerrari: So now everyone wants to b from NYC cause of Jay & A. Keys. A few years ago everyone was claiming ATL cause of the crunk music..
And it made me wonder how people feel about their city. Especially Memphis people. Do you feel proud of your city? Do you represent it, or do you diss it? Do you accept other people dissing where you're from?
I personally am mixed on the issue. I appreciate Memphis for making me what I am, for exposing me to what it has exposed to me. At the same time, I get angry and frustrated with Memphis for what it has exposed me to. Sometimes I'm embarrassed of the problems we have.
Also, I never understand how people say they love to visit Memphis or when they say they want to live there. In another moment, I myself will wrestle with going back. About going back and making positive changes. But at the same time, sometimes I'm so discouraged that I feel the best thing I can do is stay away from it.
And take how I feel about Memphis, and compare it to how alot of people I meet from Chicago feel about their city. --->cue "Put On" and skip to Kanye's verse...
SOUND OFF! I WANNA KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT WHERE YOU'RE FROM!
Wednesday, October 28
So I'm definitely 20 now. Yay! I had a really great weekend with my sister and my friends-- together we are so crazy! For one of the first birthdays I can say I did and got everything I wanted for my birthday and overall I'm happy and just chilling.
Unfortunately I'm sick now :-( Its not the flu, no worries...just a bad cold. So I've knocked out on Sudafed in the bed. Blah!
Anyway, I'll be back when I'm better. Stay strong everybody!
Friday, October 23
Thinking about You--Mario
Mario has gotten quite handsome over time. Yes lawd. Remember when he was just trying to be friends and had them braids?!? Yeah, that's over....
If I wasn't so committed to my boo (Trey Songz) Mario might be giving him a run for his money....
And another video featuring Mario--this was not intentional.
Hurricane Chris ft. Mario and Plies--Headboard
Granted, Hurricane Chris is not a fye rapper, and Plies is the nastiest talking sumna-ish I know, AND regardless of the fact that I'm not down with the procreation theme in this song...I LIKE IT. Yeah I said it!
Also, cuz I've missed her SO MUCH!
JoJo-- I Hate Love
Fellas, don't be coming on here talking about this being another "bitter black woman song!" First of all, JoJo ain't black! Second of all, clearly it's about a love-hate relationship with love. This is a UNIVERSAL-themed song. Listen to it and learn.
One more... SPOTLIGHTS ON HIDDEN TALENT!
Okay so they're not that hidden... this guy is from a group called Boyce Aveneue
Here's an acoustic redo of "Beautiful Girls/Stand by Me"
Wednesday, October 14
...in other news,
MY BIRTHDAY IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! Feel free to send me gifts ;-)
These are my retail therapy picks from (and for) yours truly:
Other things I'm loving:
I don't feel like someone can "ruin" you, but it can wound your emotions for a long time. In relationships, we take so many injuries to our emotions with silence, because we're taught to pick and choose our battles in the world of love. Well, if the injuries come too frequently with no room to heal, then you just get burned out. So I can relate to the woman who said that she was just too drained to not put too much energy into another person. Word.
I don't know what my point is with this, except to say that I've felt that way before. Lol. But it's not fair to treat the next like the ex. <--yeah homie, i'm rhyming!
Oh, the question about if it's cocky to ask if you "ruined" someone. Idk, I feel like that's a respectable characteristic, to want to be aware of your past flaws. And sometimes, I feel like it's a good time to give that other person a chance to say what they really felt, because like I said, people choose their battles in relationships. I've had ex's asked me what they did right and what they did wrong in the past, and I think it gave us both a good sigh of relief. I don't know if it counts that I broke off the relationships or not. But I only break off because it always ends up that I'm quietly suffocating what the other person is oblivious or unable to change their ways.
Does that make me the victim then?
Who knows. I don't see myself as a victim. Misunderstood, maybe. But not a victim.
Anyway, enough on relationships and such tonight, just needed to share. BUT:
In other news, I'm still looking for a boo. :-)
Just Kidding! Lmao. I'm chilling.
Saturday, October 10
Loneliness can now be added to the list of flaws of Shay, where impatience already resides.
Thursday, October 1
The pic above is my hair after a wash and style from the salon on campus. After playing and shaking my hair for the rest of the night, I thought:
I could really get used to this!
Not to mention I also got my eyebrows arched. It's been a while since I did this for myself and it felt good. It's amazing the affect of cleaning up your appearance can do for your confidence. I feel like getting my hair done has given me an ego boost to last me a while.
A while being until the next time I scrape up the money to get my hair done again!
Moral of the story: ladies and gents take the time to do something for your external self: get a hair cut, a new do, a manicure...something. Then note how much better you feel mentally. We always talk about not forsaking or not ignoring our minds, but the same goes for the body as well.
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, September 28
much as I can about it. Yeah I'm a tech junkie... So sue me lol.
Anywho, just wanted to say hey and let you know I'm holding I here...
Trying to stay on top of my work and stuff.
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, September 21
I ran across some old conversations with my ex. And as I read it, I just kept thinking of the word naive. I was using it negatively though, as we tend to approach the word today. But naive doesn't have to be bad, does it?
Definition I found:
"marked by or showing unaffected simplicity and lack of guile or worldly experience"
I'm okay with that. I don't think simplicity is bad. Simplicity has its place in our world. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure we could argue that MORE things in life should be more simple. And I agree that I, at least, lacked relationship experience at that point. But you can't get experience until you try, so I'm not mad about that either. None of this points to the conclusion that being naive is bad.
So now, I can look back and say, "Damn I was naive," and not feel these feelings of guilt like I did something wrong. Nothing was done wrong. We had good times in our naivety. And we were happy. Which is more than I can say about people who hang onto lost causes.
When did naivety end? When life got complicated. Love is vulnerable to complications. That's why you always have to keep it simple. Don't add too many variables, don't manipulate it too much. His life got complicated, mines got complicated. I added a complication or two, and he complicated his own share.
Either way...La vie continue...
Translation: Life goes on.
Tuesday, August 4
I haven't written a good poem in ages....
I can't wait to get back to school, get back to Inklings and going to poetry slams. It's always good inspiration when you're inspired by other poets.
I have so many one-liners and broken pieces of poems of poems. But nothing sticks. It all fades lately.
I'll be taking Poetry Writing this semester. Hopefully I'll learn something...
As J. Ivy says..."I Need to Write"
Thursday, July 30
the crazy thing is...I don't think I ever saw the video for them then. Maybe that was intentional? But every party I heard them, and my sister and her friends were always listening to them.
At my family reunion this year, my uncle told the story of how he took me to the fair and I kept singing this! I don't remember that though...
...this ain't the butterfly, it's the tootsie roll!
Uncle Luke...say what you want about him...was the hit-master in the 90s.
This is How We Do It
Was Montell Jordan holding it down for the Male R&B all by himself back then? I don't count R. Kelly...he's always been his own genre: FreaknB
Nice walk down memory lane...Now back to oh-nine.
Wednesday, July 22
Let me just say that I've had some eventful times lately. This is huge news because anyone that has talked to me lately knows how bored I've been in Memphis for the longest. The last couple of weeks have been really good to me though. I've been out a few times with friends, new and old. Possibly had some spirits...:-)....lifted that is. Just a good time.
One of my previous posts talked about lack of patience and how to get the time to past a little faster. A fellow blogger in the blogosphere- KT -- suggested that I live a little, following the famous motto that "Time flies when you're having fun." Well that's what's been happening! And the memories I've had the last couple of weeks are priceless. Before I realized it, August is sneaking up on me.
Life is just good right now. Financially, I'm still in a hole, and it's actually deeper. I had to pay for an optometrist appointment, have to pay on $200+ eyeglasses, and have a series of dentists' appointments coming up. PLUS I have to figure out how to get this stuff for school.
But none of that matters right now. Life is good. I have an amazing big sis, an adorable baby niece, even more nieces and nephews, parents who just celebrated a 32nd anniversary, a cousin who's still my right hand (wo)man when it comes to it, and some crazy/sexy/cool friends.
Why should I complain?
My big bro from WashU, Gerald (follow him here), wrote on the #howdareyou trend a couple days ago. The best: #howdareyou complain all the time. Life's too short for all that. That's how I'm feeling right now. What's the use of making your life and the ones around you suffer from your skewed perspective?
Get out and live! Take the bad if it comes your way. It'll make the good that much sweeter! Enjoy the time with old friends, and take the time to make new ones. And don't forget the smiles and the moments that make you smile. You'll need them on the dark nights.
So yeah. Pardon me for not writing. I've had a few issues brewing in me, but none that can be developed enough to post here. I don't know...I could just do a variety day and post it all. But you all will have to comment!
♥ and Peace,
Saturday, July 18
All I Gotta Do
all i gotta do
is sit and wait
sit and wait
and it's gonna find
all i gotta do
is sit and wait
if i can learn how
what i need to do
is sit and wait
cause i'm a woman
sit and wait
what i gotta do
is sit and wait
cause i'm a woman
it'll find me
you get yours
and i'll get mine
if i learn
to sit and wait
you got yours
i want mine
and i'm gonna get it
cause i gotta get it
cause i need to get it
if i learn how
thought about calling
for it on the phone
asked for a delivery
but they didn't have it
thought about going
to the store to get it
walked to the corner
but they didn't have it
called your name
in my sleep
sitting and waiting
thought you would awake me
called your name
lying in my bed
but you didn't have it
offered to go get it
but you didn't have it
so i'm sitting
all i know
is sitting and waiting
waiting and sitting
cause i'm a woman
all i know
is sitting and waiting
cause i gotta wait
wait for it to find
Written by Nikki Giovanni
Like it says...."it" will come to me. All I got to do is wait. As I learned from a very insightful cartoon show (lol)...Good things take some time.
Tuesday, July 14
Let's get something straight.
With that said, I wanted to talk about a major error in relationship mentalities:
You complete me.
We love to hear people say it to their mates. We long for the day to say it to someone. When they say it in love stories, we go "aawww!"
But we shouldn't. This is not a good thing!
Now, before you start labeling me as a bitter young lady, just listen.
A pastor once came to our worship service at my college. We were talking about relationships, and he's the one that brought up the point that we shouldn't look for someone to complete us. The truth is...you should be complete before you ever try to find someone to be with. If you look at your life and say, "Something's missing," then don't try to fill it with a person! It probably means something is missing, and you should figure out what it is about your world that is leaving you feeling like that.
Look at it this way: if you have a "hole" in your life, and you fill it with someone, you become attached to that person prematurely. You're so occupied with making sure your "hole" is filled that you fail to evaluate what you're filling it with. And when that person leaves, what are you left with?
A bigger hole than you had at first. You will have given this someone some of yourself [time, energy, intimacy, etc] that you'll feel like you can't get back.
Instead, after you're pretty complete and confident on your own, find someone to complement you. Granted, this should be a person who doesn't need completing as well.
Let's briefly clear a misconception though:
Being complete does not equal being perfect.
It doesn't mean that you have to wait to finish school, find the perfect job, have your own place, have your own car, and etc. If that what works for you, then by all means, do it. But these are not absolute terms of being complete.Completing yourself is a mental confidence and assurance you have to have before you go along meshing your life with someone else's.
If you're not over your ex, you're not complete. If you get in a relationship in this state, you're just be replacing the last one with the next one, and the pain will build. If you have self-esteem issues, fix that before you move on. Because you'll use the next guy/girl's affection as a substitute for the confidence you should have yourself. This won't seem like a problem in the midst of the relationship, but if things ever get rocky, it will all come crashing down. If you haven't made serious decisions about your life [how long do I want to be in school? when am i comfortable having sex? what do I look for in a guy/girl?] then you should answer those questions for yourself. If you don't, someone else will answer them for you.
I've had to learn a lot of this the hard way, and I'm still in the process of learning. Like I said, I'm not perfect. To be honest, I don't think I'm complete at the moment. But I'm working towards it.
Fill your own holes people. Don't let someone else fill them for you.
**oh, in case in needs to be said, this is my own opinion and perspective. the only idea that has been borrowed is the idea of being complemented vs completed. the interpretation of this is my own.**
Friday, July 10
Thursday, July 9
I've taken off comment moderation, which means that I don't have to approve them first.
And I also took off the word verification thingy. I tried to test it and it wasn't working right, so I took it off.
what does this mean?
Comments Comments Comments!
Also, thanks to all my followers. We're almost at 10! WhooHoo! Thanks for riding on me on this journey! I'll post a little later today...but now I'm about to take a break. :-)
Tuesday, July 7
Adrianne Shay Solace Gore How you gonna let Al Sharpton be your Family Adviser?!? Where they do that at?
Adrianne Shay Solace Gore I really dig the fact that John Mayer's doing this song...♥
Adrianne Shay Solace Gore Jackson family...please don't mimic the King children...don't get caught up fighting public battles over personal matters...
Adrianne Shay Solace Gore Dang...Michael stopped the House proceedings? Yeah, that's impressive.
Adrianne Shay Solace Gore Usher, who told you that you could leave the stage?!?
Adrianne Shay Solace Gore ♥ Loving Smokey even MORE right now ♥
Adrianne Shay Solace Gore shaheen jafargholi. killed it.
Adrianne Shay Solace Gore look at the kiddies!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥
Adrianne Shay Solace Gore Love that they're playing "Man in the Mirror" instrumental as they carry out the casket.
Adrianne Shay Solace Gore They shined the light on the mic, and we waited expectantly, hoping they'd shine the light on Mike.... RIP Mr. Jackson...Shoutouts to Imani over at Indulgence for the FB status idea! ♥
Monday, July 6
Currently, mine is retail therapy.
But it's weird how I do it! I hate buying clothes, except online. And sometimes, the mere search for something to buy makes me feel better. I tend to splurge on electronics, shoes, purses, or groceries. (Yeah I know, groceries is a weird thing to splurge on, doesn't it?)
For example, after a disappointing day at the mall (couldn't find anything that jumped out for a 4th of July outfit) I went and bought a new pair of shoes. Black heels, open toed, with a rhinestone buckle. Completely gorgeous!
But what use do I have for them?
Currently, none really. Which means that I could have waited on the purchase when it was necessary. But nooo! lol. I had to have them. I then went on to walk around the house for 30 minutes to make myself feel like I'd made a wise purchase.
I'm not talking down on anyone, myself included. I don't think there is anything wrong with doing something for yourself when you're down. However, it becomes a problem when it interrupts the normal functioning of your life.
So spending the cell phone bill money on a new outfit is not okay.
Eating junk food to the point of unhealthiness is not cool.
Or devoting your life to a gym to the point that you don't have time to work, go to school, or whatever....is not okay.
But there is nothing wrong with putting a little smile on your face. Your face deserves it! ahaha!
So live a little. Find a therapy. Just make sure it doesn't become an addiction.
So Talk to Shay: What's your therapy? What do you do when you're feeling a little stressed to get your happy face back?
And I really do love to hear from your guys! Leave a comment! And don't be afraid to follow me!
Sunday, July 5
Lauren London finally showed up in a picture pregnant. Seven months, with Weezy's baby. Mhms...Anywho, she's gorgeous nonetheless.
Amber Rose. Just like anything else she rocks, she looks gorgeous.
If I could be one person for another day, it's Teyana Taylor.
Dear Mel B. can I please have those shoes when you're done with them?!?
While sitting outside on those picnic benches in the cool breeze, I really took in what I was seeing. There were several older family members I didn't know, but they still smiled and talked to me like I'd been around for ages. It reminded me, that you got to love family. I'm so grateful for a loving, concerned, and happy family. I might not see them all the time and we might not call each other all the time, but they're always happy to help and to see you.
On another note,
♥ I ate too much WAY too fast. Lol. I caught acid reflux that slowed me in my tracks and had to walk off.
♥ Wearing white shorts to the country proved to be a big FAIL.
♥ my great Aunt Katie makes the best chicken & dressing evaaa.
♥ Ain't no ice cream like homemade ice cream!
Me and my plate full of food. It was like 4 in the afternoon and I hadn't ate since around 9 that morning lol.
Me, my sister, and my great-aunt Katie. She is too funny!
My sister and I with my Daddy. As you can see, we stopped in Canton, MS on the way home.
As you can see, I got my hair done. anyway. it's braided with a sew-in in the middle. I really love it, and it'll probably be in all summer.
Wednesday, July 1
Rest In Peace VIBE Magazine
This is the most memorable cover for me...I'll never forget the thourough investigations done by a room full of college kids trying to determine if this cover was photoshopped or not. hehe.
True Talent--Lydia Paek
Oh em gee, she can sing so well! True musical talent is in the hands of those who can sing acapella, anywhere, with plenty of people vibing to it.
I'd have a bad shoe game! Unfortunately, I'm currently saving for a car, so most of my extra money has to be put up.
Shown: Camille by Baby Phat
On sale for $51.99 *in select sizes* at DrJays.com
Must-Go Traveling Destination
This, my friends, is Santorini, Greece. It is so beautiful, with the blue domes, and white buildings built on the side of the mountains! Whenever I travel Europe, this is a stop I must make!
Tuesday, June 30
I follow a TON of hair blogs, a few of which I will kindly list at the bottom of this post. Whether relaxed or natural, I love them all and use them to learn about my own hair.
My own head, by the way, is relaxed. I've been relaxed since I was eight or nine, so almost a good ten years now. Some of those years were real bad, and I've never really went farther than shoulder length. But I'm being more responsible with my hair, learning to monitor who and what goes in my head, and really just wanting to be able to do it myself.
I'm also in the process of growing out a bob I had cut (and re-cut by accident) last summer. Therefore, my back is short, my sides are long, and my front is...special. lol. But that's enough details...now to my Summer routine.
This Memphis heat is no joke and is brutally again curls, hair-dos, and perms. Since I sweat in my hair when I'm hot, I've decided not get many perms this summer in fear of reversion. Also, all I'm doing is chilling with nowhere really to go, so what's the need.
I got my hair permed the second or third week in May, so now I'm about seven weeks post, the time I would normally be itching for a perm. However, I'm becoming pretty good at this stretching; last time I went 15 weeks without one! So for the rest of the summer (aka the next 6 or 7 weeks), I will stretch by co-washing and air-drying most of the time, and roller-setting for special occasions. Yes, I flat-iron every now and then as well. So sue me.
Favorite Cheapie Conditioner of the Moment:
Suave Naturals Conditioner, Tropical Coconut
I found this Family-Sized bottle of goodness at Wal-greens for $1.99. It has a pretty good smell to it (not like my V05 though) and it gives good slip. Today I wet my hair, slathered it on, added a little honey, and stuck a plastic cap on my head. it's still sitting on here, but I can tell that it's going to rinse out well. I'll use this most of the summer I think, Mainly for co-washes. I also added some to my moisture mix, along with a little coconut oil, glycerin, and pepperment oil. My hair loves it, especially my new growth that tends to get frizzy in the middle.
I'll keep you guys posted, and I hope you enjoyed my first hair post. I'll include pics of my hair next time, but the camera's dead at the moment, so yeah.
Reccomended Hair Blogs for this Week:
CurlyNikki --> http://www.curlynikki.com
♥ love her curls! my favorite part of her blog: stories of transitions
Relaxed Hair Health --> http://relaxedhairhealth.blogspot.com
♥ this is the first blog I came upon with my hair curiosity. I still go back and read some of her beginning posts.
See My Healthy Hair Grow --> http://www.seemyhealthyhairgrow.com
♥ she's the one that really got me hooked on making my own moisture mix. She recently cut off her texlaxed hair and went natural again, and she still looks fabulous!
I have plenty more hair blogs I follow, but I figured it'd be better not to overwhelm anyone.
Enjoy. Hearts & Love,
Monday, June 29
sorry it's been a while since I checked in. I've been trying to update from my cell phone with the mobile thingy, but it wouldn't let me :-/ which had delayed me even more from posting.
So today, I really want to deal with this waiting game in life. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I have NO patience for anything. But I have to bring up patience because it goes hand in hand with worrying less.
I've learned to lean on faith more than doubt lately. I realize that whenever it looked like a problem was to big for me to jump over, I made it. And whether you worry or you don't worry, time goes on and you get through it. So lately, I don't worry about not having a job, I don't worry about having a dead car, I don't worry about having money to get a new car, and I don't worry about all the friends and loved ones that aren't around anymore. Why? Because anything I need and most of the things I want will come when the time is right.
Alright....I accept that. But my question is always: when?!?
So you see, I don't worry about if things will happen. But I pace back and forth, check the calendar, speculate, and fantasize about the day when things will fall in place for me. Patience...people with patience and faith have a greater level of peace and joy than I can currently possess. People with patience really do only have to worry about the here and now.
With faith, you stop worrying how the past and present affect your future. And if you add patience, you stop worrying about how far your future is from your present. put those two together and voila! You can finally calm down and find some enjoyment in your life.
So for those of you with patience, I ask for you to share: How does one build their patience?
And for those of you like me who are lacking, let's see if we can try to figure out the answer ourselves.
Peace and love everyone!
and next post....hair updates!
Monday, June 15
Words don't fail me now,Writing is my therapy, and I love to write. People give me compliments a lot about my writing abilities, but there is always a need, a want, to improve and get better.
Not when I have so much to say
Come easily, don't fight me
There is so much at stake
Fingers to keys
Take this stress away from me
Scrawl the pain from my heart
Suck the poison from my mind
My emotions have waged a war on me
Words, if you don't help
I'm sure I'll be defeated.
The excessive love in my system
Is too much pressure on my heart
It's causing pains and malfunctions
Threatening to rip apart my heart
Expel it from my system
Investigate it on paper
Save my life, words,
So I can live to tell the story
Words are all I need to get better
If only they cooperate
No drugs, no drinks, no cuts
Returns my smile like a good poem
-Written by Moi
But there's usually something else: doubt.
A fluctuation of mind arising from defect of knowledge or evidence; uncertainty of judgment or mind; unsettled state of opinion concerning the reality of an event, or the truth of an assertion, etc.; hesitation.
Sometimes you can never be sure if you're making a difference with your writing. Many people read without giving feedback, and more often, people never get around to reading what you have to say at all.
Or you criticize yourself too much, wondering if you should have said it "that" way over the the way you actually expressed yourself. I don't know any writer who doesn't wonder that.
It's more than just writers though. Everyone has doubted themselves at points. Especially when the situation they're in dramatically contrasts with where they aspire to be.
An interesting quote to ponder:
Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.Letting go of doubt, and latching on to faith is a good move to make. I don't try to make anyone do anything they don't want to do, but there are my opinions and my suggestions.
Doubt and faith both feed off the same thing: the unknown. How you react to the unknown determines whether you doubt or if you have faith.
When you panic, worry, and let the fact that you don't know what the future holds scare you, you doubt.
When you have confidence, believe everything is going to be fine, and perceive your future as the product of doing your very best, you have faith.
(Yes, this epiphany just came to me as I wrote. Lol. Even though part of me knew this all along...)
So writing is my therapy and it makes me feel better. Someone (or some people) out there enjoys my writing, what I do.
Therefore, I won't stop. Won't let my doubt override my faith. I'mma do me.
I'm gonna write.
Hearts and Love
Friday, June 12
My sister bought me chocolate and strawberries! Which made me really happy. It helped pick up my mood. ::thanks to those mood-boosting chemicals in chocolate!:: I wouldn't say I'm an emotional eater, but if it makes me feel better, why should I feel bad about that? THAT'S WHAT IT's MEANT TO DO!
And I've been realizing that some people's faces light up when they see me! That makes me feel so remarkable. I'm not bragging on myself, but it does make me happy. When someone's face lights up at the site of you, that means you bring them real joy. That's something that's hard to fake ::though i don't put it past some to pull it off:: and it's a sign of true genuine happiness.
Got to get this confidence back. They say until you're confident enough to picture yourself somewhere, believe you can do it!, and push to get it done, everything will fall apart for you. Even the stuff that you're competent to do! Trust me. Things have fallen apart for me, and I know that it's time to pick up the pieces and start anew.
I might not have the best grades in the world. Might not have the best disposition. Not the prettiest. Don't have the most money in the world. Not always the correct. Might not be well known.
But I AM WHO I AM: Adrianne Lashey Gore, with a heart that loves and a smile that shines. With brains to take me far, with enough beauty to know I am pretty. I got the common sense to know my worth and how I should be treated and I have the tolerance to get rid of toxic people. <---recent discovery…clap clap.
And true, part of this is just to hype myself up to be encouraged, but I deep down, even in my anxiety, I know the true about myself. Dozens and dozens of people can't see something in you unless it's there, and there are plenty of people who see things in me even when I'm not looking for them.
So, let's hope the lonely days bite the dust. They will come back, unfortunately, but they always lose.
To those of you out there: Keep smiling, hold your head up, speak positivity into your future, even if it seems impossible. And if it feels like it's too much to bear, reach out to someone who cares. And if you think no one cares for you, you can always talk to me!
Hearts and love.
Thursday, June 11
Welcome to all those who come by. I hope you'll find something enlightening, thought provoking, etc. that might stimulate you. I encourage you to subscribe/follow me, as you never know when something prolific might spill from my mouth. ::smile::
The only theme to this blog is Me. I know that sounds selfish and self absorbed, but here me out. Some days, there will be a short story. On other days, you'll find a poem. It might be a journaling of what I'm going through, or it might simply be an update on my hobbies or my niece. Can't really offer you consistency when all I'm doing is exploring the realms of who I am and what I'm going through.
So, cheers to us! That we may have fun on this journey. And that we can discover and learn together.