Coffee, No Cream, Please

Actually, I can't even drink coffee...gives me anxiety attacks.

But the title comes from the often-used phrase, "Milk in my Coffee," usually referring to interracial dating and the such. This topic, ladies and gentlemen, is brought to you by way of this article over at Three Ways to Take It. I won't do the article an injustice by trying to summarize it. As always, I highly encourage you to go read it yourself if you're interested.


But I said all that to say...that I felt a need to respond to this one. So, for your enjoyment, what I have to say about alot of stuff, especially being a black [almost] woman and all these messages telling me to date outside the box:

March 8, 2010 at 12:42 am
Although I’m sure this is a conversation for much more “grown people,” I couldn’t resist commenting.


In my short 20 years of life and “relationships,” I haven’t actually considered dating outside my race. Even attending a PWI, where the black community is small and filled with enough drama to create a Lifetime movie, I still have a strong passion for black love.


I’m not racist, but there isn’t anything attractive about white men to me. I will admit to have a small crush on Puerto Rican dudes, but that’s another story. I love and appreciate each and every culture that makes this world of ours go round, but…I have yet to meet someone outside my race that catches my attention and makes me want to pursue them.


And yes, I have noticed the interracial talk seems to get more and more spark every day. Everywhere I turn, it seems to say that the only options I have as a black woman is to be a ghetto hood chick that wants a thug, or become educated and successful and turn into a bitch that looks down on all black men. It’s like a black woman with any type of intellect will find herself strongly disappointed with black male prospects. And I find it to be far from the truth.


I think black men and women need to quit giving up so easily on each other. We’ll keep having problems if everybody nags and no one listens to the other. And men and women are just that, no matter what their race or culture is. Dating outside your race doesn’t erase the relationship problems.


I, too, am fine with what people choose to do, as long as they’re happy and not dragging someone else down in the process. I just know that [when] I daydream about being swept of my feet one day….I mean, when I think about my future…it’s usually me with a black guy.


Shay, the college girl.

That's Just How I Like It ::Kanye shrug::


So uh...how do you like your coffee? Or do you even life coffee? And am I the only one who reads the messages out there like this?


As always, with ♥
♥ Shay

Click It...U Know You Wanna...

Hey all,

I don't really have much to say today, but I've been chewing over some of the stuff I've read. Some of these bloggers I know personally, and some of them I've just stumbled upon. If you're looking for something interesting to read, or you just want a new blog to stumble on, check out these:


Single Black Male tells you what makes him feel insecure...
The Fly Guy wants to know who you think is the hottest celebrity couple...
Over at Fourth Thursday, he discusses black love and relationships, and the idea of "worth"...
Then go to All Who Wander to see how she responded to Fourth Thursday...


Bonus: The first Rihanna video I've liked in a long time!



Have a good day!
♥ Shay

Being in Love by Yourself

is not something I'm trying to do again.

I was reading --->THIS over at jaychanelle's page. No, definitely go read it...the girl is on her ish. Anyway, she starts talking about how relationships are not 50/50, an how sometimes you have to bend for the other. This is a truth I acknowledge and agree fully with. But I, along with a bunch of experienced people, can tell you that sometimes this can become a guise for being in love all by yourself.

So what does it mean to be in love by yourself? It's when you feel like you're the only person who want need the relationship to last. Your spouse seems nonchalant toward you or lazy in the relationship. You look up one day and you're the only one calling, always making the plans, and having to be the first one to say "I Love You" "We Need to Talk." Before you realize you're in love by yourself, you might make up excuses like "s/he appreciates me, they just don't know how to show it." or "S/he just doesn't have the time, but s/he loves me."

These are all false. Not to steal jaychanelle's thunder, but if someone is really serious about being in a relationship, they make the time. They'll find a way to juggle homework and quality time for you. And they learn how to says "thank you" or, as they should, reciprocate the feelings. Being in love by yourself might make you look like a hero in some way--fighting for love despite the lack of help--but you're not. You're just weighing yourself down.

I won't discount the people who have stuck it through, even when they were getting nothing, and are now stronger than ever. This is the exception. Too often, it's not until they are in jeopardy of losing something that people finally make the choice to give support in the relationship. My question is: if it takes the threat of losing you (especially if this has to happen repeatedly) for someone to be the type of mate you need, do you really want to be with them?

Like I said before, I don't want to have to do this again. I've done it, and it can weaken you, it can weaken your trust in relationships. Don't let yourself be subject to it. Even more, don't put yourself through it. If a guy or girl tells you that they're not ready for a relationship or they can't give you what you need, believe them. I'm sorry, but the whole "I'll still be here for you" while still hoping in the back of your mind that one day they'll be indebted to you for your support....ain't gonna work.


I'm not trying to kill dreams here, but just trying to say, if you allow the lies to go on too long, you'll start to feel like a victim of love and be around here like Amy Winehouse, calling love a losing game.

Don't be in love by yourself. If you are, you better off letting whoever that is go and just being in love with yourself.


Until next time,
♥ Shay

P.S. -- If you already think love is a losing game, check out Amy below:

I'm Not Ruined, Just a Little Wounded :-(

Going through my Google Reader, I came across this article over at Fly Guy Chronicles, and I really felt a need to respond to it. What better place than my blog?

I don't feel like someone can "ruin" you, but it can wound your emotions for a long time. In relationships, we take so many injuries to our emotions with silence, because we're taught to pick and choose our battles in the world of love. Well, if the injuries come too frequently with no room to heal, then you just get burned out. So I can relate to the woman who said that she was just too drained to not put too much energy into another person. Word.

I don't know what my point is with this, except to say that I've felt that way before. Lol. But it's not fair to treat the next like the ex. <--yeah homie, i'm rhyming!

Oh, the question about if it's cocky to ask if you "ruined" someone. Idk, I feel like that's a respectable characteristic, to want to be aware of your past flaws. And sometimes, I feel like it's a good time to give that other person a chance to say what they really felt, because like I said, people choose their battles in relationships. I've had ex's asked me what they did right and what they did wrong in the past, and I think it gave us both a good sigh of relief. I don't know if it counts that I broke off the relationships or not. But I only break off because it always ends up that I'm quietly suffocating what the other person is oblivious or unable to change their ways.

Does that make me the victim then?

Who knows. I don't see myself as a victim. Misunderstood, maybe. But not a victim.

Anyway, enough on relationships and such tonight, just needed to share. BUT:

Feel free to give me your perspective. Do you feel like you can ruin or be ruined by someone?

In other news, I'm still looking for a boo. :-)
Just Kidding! Lmao. I'm chilling.
♥ Shay

LMAO! oh WOW!

Got this from the guy J.Ferb from his tumblr. This ish was so funny I had to make a bunch of my friends watch it too!



Have a good friday!

♥ Shay

Blog Update, Changes

Hey all,

I've taken off comment moderation, which means that I don't have to approve them first.

And I also took off the word verification thingy. I tried to test it and it wasn't working right, so I took it off.

what does this mean?

Comments Comments Comments!

Also, thanks to all my followers. We're almost at 10! WhooHoo! Thanks for riding on me on this journey! I'll post a little later today...but now I'm about to take a break. :-)

♥ Shay

Never Can Say Goodbye...♥

My facebook thoughts on the MJ Memorial service:

Adrianne Shay Solace Gore How you gonna let Al Sharpton be your Family Adviser?!? Where they do that at?

Adrianne Shay Solace Gore I really dig the fact that John Mayer's doing this song...♥

Adrianne Shay Solace Gore Jackson family...please don't mimic the King children...don't get caught up fighting public battles over personal matters...

Adrianne Shay Solace Gore Dang...Michael stopped the House proceedings? Yeah, that's impressive.

Adrianne Shay Solace Gore Usher, who told you that you could leave the stage?!?

Adrianne Shay Solace Gore ♥ Loving Smokey even MORE right now ♥

Adrianne Shay Solace Gore shaheen jafargholi. killed it.

Adrianne Shay Solace Gore look at the kiddies!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

Adrianne Shay Solace Gore Love that they're playing "Man in the Mirror" instrumental as they carry out the casket.

Adrianne Shay Solace Gore They shined the light on the mic, and we waited expectantly, hoping they'd shine the light on Mike.... RIP Mr. Jackson...

Shoutouts to Imani over at Indulgence for the FB status idea! ♥

♥ Shay

Diddy's All White Party

I'm a devoted blog reader, and I loved the photos from Diddy's All White Party. A few that caught my eye:

Lauren London finally showed up in a picture pregnant. Seven months, with Weezy's baby. Mhms...Anywho, she's gorgeous nonetheless.



Amber Rose. Just like anything else she rocks, she looks gorgeous.



If I could be one person for another day, it's Teyana Taylor.



Dear Mel B. can I please have those shoes when you're done with them?!?

Good deal. It seems Diddy's event helped to fight malaria. That's a real good look.

Images from: NecoleBitchie.com and SocialiteLife

Hair Update: Summertime Ways

So I have a hair addiction... (just thought I'd get that out of the way lol)

I follow a TON of hair blogs, a few of which I will kindly list at the bottom of this post. Whether relaxed or natural, I love them all and use them to learn about my own hair.

My own head, by the way, is relaxed. I've been relaxed since I was eight or nine, so almost a good ten years now. Some of those years were real bad, and I've never really went farther than shoulder length. But I'm being more responsible with my hair, learning to monitor who and what goes in my head, and really just wanting to be able to do it myself.
I'm also in the process of growing out a bob I had cut (and re-cut by accident) last summer. Therefore, my back is short, my sides are long, and my front is...special. lol. But that's enough details...now to my Summer routine.

This Memphis heat is no joke and is brutally again curls, hair-dos, and perms. Since I sweat in my hair when I'm hot, I've decided not get many perms this summer in fear of reversion. Also, all I'm doing is chilling with nowhere really to go, so what's the need.

I got my hair permed the second or third week in May, so now I'm about seven weeks post, the time I would normally be itching for a perm. However, I'm becoming pretty good at this stretching; last time I went 15 weeks without one! So for the rest of the summer (aka the next 6 or 7 weeks), I will stretch by co-washing and air-drying most of the time, and roller-setting for special occasions. Yes, I flat-iron every now and then as well. So sue me.

Favorite Cheapie Conditioner of the Moment:
Suave Naturals Conditioner, Tropical Coconut

I found this Family-Sized bottle of goodness at Wal-greens for $1.99. It has a pretty good smell to it (not like my V05 though) and it gives good slip. Today I wet my hair, slathered it on, added a little honey, and stuck a plastic cap on my head. it's still sitting on here, but I can tell that it's going to rinse out well. I'll use this most of the summer I think, Mainly for co-washes. I also added some to my moisture mix, along with a little coconut oil, glycerin, and pepperment oil. My hair loves it, especially my new growth that tends to get frizzy in the middle.

I anticipate to get my next perm right before I leave for school (which is the 15th of August). A couple of weeks later, I suppose, I might come home and get my hair braided for a while. I don't know, this is up in the air, because my mom wants my hair braided before I leave.

I'll keep you guys posted, and I hope you enjoyed my first hair post. I'll include pics of my hair next time, but the camera's dead at the moment, so yeah.

Reccomended Hair Blogs for this Week:
CurlyNikki --> http://www.curlynikki.com
♥ love her curls! my favorite part of her blog: stories of transitions
Relaxed Hair Health --> http://relaxedhairhealth.blogspot.com
♥ this is the first blog I came upon with my hair curiosity. I still go back and read some of her beginning posts.
See My Healthy Hair Grow --> http://www.seemyhealthyhairgrow.com
♥ she's the one that really got me hooked on making my own moisture mix. She recently cut off her texlaxed hair and went natural again, and she still looks fabulous!

I have plenty more hair blogs I follow, but I figured it'd be better not to overwhelm anyone.

Enjoy. Hearts & Love,
♥ Shay