Tuesday, March 29
It is a hard decision. And I've been praying that God would show me what to do, or at least give me confirmation of what I should be doing. And it feels like God isn't answering me right now. It isn't saying no or yes, it seems. It's like he's giving me the free will to make my choice. Crazy thing is, this is the time where I don't want the decions! I'm screaming, Jesus take the wheel and give me a big, clear sign of what you need for me to do. Because if God points me in the right direction, I can make myself with whatever from here on out. But if I do it... well, I've been known to get things wrong. Often.
I know this is all a part of growing up, but this ish is tough!
Saturday, March 26
I guess it hurts because the loneliness makes me feel inadequate. Like its my fault I'm alone.
Like its my fault I didn't make any of them happy.
Like it's all my fault. Maybe it is. That's how it feels at least.
If only my heart did substitutions, I'd trade this longing into optimism.
And maybe I could finally get over the hill I made from the hole I dug.
Thursday, March 24
Monday, March 21
Which is really just a nice way of saying you bumped your head on a hard truth. The absence of God from my life makes for a congested but lonely life. Some things that are bad for you God won't take away-- instead he'll leave it for you to take out your own trash. And that success has failure at something else embedded into it.
Saturday, March 19
Friday, March 18
Let's stroll in the sunshine
And play in the rain.
Love sex and pain
are grown folks thangs
So don't jump in today
If you're not gonna stay.
My loyalty is intuituve
I'm into you, I'll stick with you
I'll give it all to you
I'll do it all for you
With the assurance
that you'd do it for me too.
We can be a duo, I know
Where we can go
We'll be flyer
than red-breasted robins
robbing haters of envy
And spending the chump change
On helping chumps change
We can be movements by ourselves
And revolutions when we're together
We might stir a war and pop shots
In the middle of our own joy
But we don't need cops to reconcile
love makes us both fools and friends
and we mend like the carpenter who taught us
that our pain is inevitable in this game
but our embrace is the perfect solace.
i know we will be just fine.
come hell or high waters
we'll go blow for blow with the bull
round after round in the bed
and now and forever in this life, together.