Thoughts on My Mind: Mini-Rants

::Sigh::

... words are all i cling to, and when I need them most, I don't have any to give.

::Love is Complicated::

Love... I still want for it, but I wander if wanting for such an ideal is foolish. I'm learning the disappointment that comes from expectations of people when we're in love, and the confusion of what we want to do and what we actually do in love. I think Facebook should remove all other status options except "it's complicated" because anytime two people attach themselves together, it gets complicated. Even when they're perfectly happy, it's complicated. 

::I'm the Jealous Type::

Jealousy has been my weakness for many years. Though people say horoscopes aren't real, the portrayal of Scorpios as jealous creatures has my name written all over it. Years ago, I tried to deny that it was an issue, often blaming the jealousy on other principles or issues. But as I've gotten older, I find that it is only fair to let those who are close to me know what the deal really is. I get jealous when I know I have no position to be jealous. I get jealous about people even when they aren't a real threat. Hell, I get jealous of my friends becoming friends without me. Is it insecurity? A little--I'm grown enough to admit that about myself too. But my jealousy really comes from my knowledge that life doesn't run off of logic, but moreso instincts and uncontrollable variables. Ever heard of friends becoming lovers? Yeah, they didn't see that shit coming their damn selves. It also comes from the part of me that finds something great and unique in everybody, and the jealousy is just me wanting what they have. I don't know. I'm not proud of my jealousy, just aware of it. And I just really hope that the next person I'm with will work with me on it, and know that I'm trying to fix it. In return, I can promise them that I try to keep it at bay. I won't bring it up often, I don't go searching through your cell phone. But I will raise my eyebrows at too many chicks around you-- i wanna know who they are, how long they been around. But other than that, I'm pretty mild. But yes, I'm jealous. Even petty sometimes. So sue me.

::#TeamNoKids....Right Now::

I am deathly afraid of the thought of having kids right now. I notice how when I'm with my niece and she won't stop crying that I start to fall apart. Who knew that a toddler could make you feel so helpless? You can't talk to them, you can't rationalize with them, and fear doesn't even work with them. I'm always afraid that I won't be able to manage kids. Hell, I have a hard time managing myself. Can I really do that to another child? And what about the father? I declare, that if I somehow end up with some trifling baby-daddy situation, or a non-active paternal figure in my child's life, I'mma have to kidnap his ass and tie him to see-saw to play with his child. I ain't gonna lie and say I'm superwoman. I just told you what my niece does to my nerves! Girl or boy, my child  needs a daddy. Not that I'm having any of them any time soon.

No shade to the ladies handling it and holding it down with little ones right now, but that definitely wasn't in the plan for me. I don't have an anticipation for kids, except with the thought of a husband. Maybe my maternal biological clock is on snooze.

::About My Education::

Every time I tell people I'm majoring in English, they ask me am I going to be a teacher. NO. I wanna wear a sign that says, "English majors do more than teach." One girl went so far as to almost utter that an English degree is useless. Uhm...  the simple ass spelling errors all over Facebook profiles and in tweets by GROWN FOLKS seem to suggest some people should have considered the major. Why is it so hard for people to imagine that an English major would want to be a writer? Like, when you meet art majors, you don't ask them if they're gonna teach Art History, do you? Not knocking any one who does pursue these paths because we always need great teachers, but it's different when it's your passion. It's a totally different story when it is assumed upon you.

I'm an English major because if I'm gonna spend thousands of dollars over the course of years for a degree, it's going to be in something I love. And trust me, it's MY money i'm spending.

::Don't Ask Rhetorical Questions!::

It really bugs the mess out of me when people who claim they care about me never take the time to listen to my issues. Like, don't ask me how I'm doing and then start talking about yourself before I utter  a word. And don't say you want to get to know me if you don't wanna know about my random days, or my relationship with my family, or my favorite color, or even my crazy ass dream I had about you. If we can only talk about an us, or abstract intellectual conversations, and never divulge anything about our individual selves, we're just long-time strangers. That gets under my skin. And If I ask you about yourself, that's because I actually want to know. Don't ignore my question, unless you just wanna be ignored. We can work with that too...

Lessons From Sophomore Year

So last year I did a note on lessons I learned from Freshmen year. (Link >>> here)

Well, I decided it was time to do it again. So here goes.

1. Your REAL friends return for another year. You all might get busy and start to miss each other, but no one forgets about the other.
2. New friends come along, and if they belong, they just FIT. Meaning, you don't feel like you're forced to change for them.
3. Sophomore year comes and you start to see the snakes in the grass.
4. It's amusing watching freshmen learn the same lessons you learned.
5. Some people have never had to financially take care of themselves before. So they don't understand questions like "How much is your cell phone bill?" or statements like "I need gas money."
6. Declaring a major is hard because you have to start thinking about real life.
7. People are [STILL] there to help you. Just because you're not a freshmen anymore doesn't mean you won't still need someone to talk to you, to tutor you, to help you study, etc.
8. Even I, with all my flaws, has something to teach someone.
9. Mentoring is so amazing! And it's not just about what you can teach, but also what you can learn.
10. When people do wrong by you, the feeling that follows hurt is apathy.
11. There are still reasons left not to give up on the male species. There are some out there that are true gentlemen.
12. Dress for yourself. Because if you don't dress up, people got something to say. If you do dress up, people got all the questions in the world about where you going and who you dressing up for.
13. Good friends can support you, even if they don't understand.
14. Too much alcohol - food = bad idea.
15. The best birthdays are with good friends.
16.The world thinks that successful black women can't get married.
17. Sometimes, the people who look they're trying to be a part of the solution are the whole damn problem to begin with.
18. You get burned out on lower BD food before the first semester is over.
19. Nikki Giovanni is so real, I can understand why the FBI might have had her on a list.
20. Shihan is still fine, even though he is married with kids, and he cut his hair off.
21. Family Guy, after you get used to the humor, is your favoritest show to watch at two in the morning.
22. Pastor Kearney Thomas is HIGHlarious lmao. But also somewhat of an embarrassment.
23. Twitter brings drama that we haven't seen since the invention of the picture phone. (see video below for clarification)



24. The things your parents don't know about you grows and grows. But it's not so bad now because you're getting old enough to make choices like that.
25. Waking up is sometimes harder than just staying up.
26. Sometimes you have not because you ask not. So just ask.
27. Every new year in hip-hop and rap makes you wonder how people like Waka and Soulja boy are making all the money, and people like B.O.B. and Wale are struggling.
28. I look good with bangs

29. You have to learn to give yourself more credit for your accomplishments. Most people are so busy with their own lives that everyone doesn't always have time to stop and pat you on the back.
30. People who support you make time to help you cope.
31. A blender makes dull Friday nights so much better.
32. Hulu and Netflix gives your computer a whole new purpose.
33. God's grace and mercy is so real, even when you're too busy to believe it.
34. People read my blog! ♥
35. You just got to live your life the way that makes you happy. If you do that, don't let the other ish get too deep under your skin, and know that everything happens for a reason, you paint yourself a beautiful life.

I'm stopping at 35 this year. ♥ Thanks to everyone who has helped me learn this year and have been with me throughout the school year; I love you all:
Jacqui, Chavelle, Lamar, Ryadah, Jerrica, Riean, Twin BayBay, Liz, Ms. LaShawnda, J-Strong, Portia, Natalie, Teaire, my Mommy!, my Daddy! ..............and any other names I forgot, insert here _________!

Leave your comments and your lessons learned!
♥ Shay

Here's a "Have A Better Life" Tip

Every time you complain,
 Mirror it with something you're grateful for.

It'll keep your life in balance,
remind you that it's not so bad,
and over time minimize your complaints.

Happy Monday all!
♥ Shay

Simplified Complicated

After my last post, I got to talking to my booski via skype about sex without love, and then some more stuff. I love having smart friends, because they're capable of juggling complex ideas with you and can be okay with not reaching a solution.

Summary: we came to the conclusion that I like things in life a little complicated...or elaborate, if you will. It's a bittersweet addiction. On one end, my complicated life keeps me on my toes, keeps me motivated, moving, working towards something, it's exciting! But on the other side of the coin, complicated can get dirty, stressful, tiring, painful, and leave me running for the hills.

Which brings me to the point that I like my simplicity. I do. But I know I don't want a simple life. For one, I'll always be expecting it to go belly-up and get wayyyy out of line. Or if it doesn't do that, I'd just be bored, and probably settle into some pattern of complacency of life.

So how do I balance the two? I make simple choices in a complicated life. My friend argued back that you can't make simple choices for everything, and my counterargument was that I just have a simple procedure for reaching my conclusions and stances on things.  Why? Because life is gonna be complicated regardless of what plans you make. People with the best plans can still have fucked up lives. So why exert the extra effort of trying to avoid the inevitable?

I rather save that adrenaline for when the storm comes instead of hyping myself up on what MIGHT happen. I spent a good part of my life always worried bout what would happen next and the consequences of not weighing all the options of the future, blah blah blah.  Well, I don't even know all the options of the future, and all I really know is where I come from and what I am in the very moment. Everything else is a foolish attempt to play God. And trying to be God is a move that the devil himself knows isn't a good role to try to play.

I focus on the here and now and doing the best i can at the margin of time closest to me. When it feels too mundane, i reevaluate myself for complacency, for a decrease in drive, for a decrease in love of life. Because the easiest way to make it through life is to go through loving it. And if you aren't loving live, then life is just happening to you and you're not living at all.

I'm a complicaed being, I know. And I feel so misunderstood so much. I felt misunderstood having the conversation that this post stemmed from. I feel like my parents don't get me, and even my very best friends will attest that they've had their moments where all they could say was "WTF are you doing Shay?" Just for me to look at them, give them what I think is a  logical answer, and them still just writing it off as whatever.

I don't really take it personal anymore. Okay, that's a lie, I kinda sorta get in my feelings. But I remember that they have moments I don't understand them and just let it be.

It's hard being complicated sometimes, but I would hate to be simple and boring. I don't know. Maybe I already am.

Because I really want some tulips...

♥ Shay

How Do They Do It? [#cosign]

Was talking to one of my god-sisters tonight, and we somehow brought up the poem "Sex Without Love" by Sharon Olds. This is one of those poems that led to interesting conversation my summer at SWP (shoutouts to Carleton!) and that I still cling to. Mainly because it's opening question is one that I really want to have answered. Some people are capable of seperating the physical from the emotional, or so it seems. How do they do it? Or even better, is it possible to have sex without love? And if it isn't possible, doesn't that mean that the people who think it possible are lying to themselves?

Check out the poem. It's one of my favs:

Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds

How do they do it, the ones who make love

without love? Beautiful as dancers,

gliding over each other like ice-skaters

over the ice, fingers hooked

inside each other's bodies, faces

red as steak, wine, wet as the

children at birth whose mothers are going to

give them away. How do they come to the

come to the come to the God come to the

still waters, and not love

the one who came there with them, light

rising slowly as steam off their joined

skin? These are the true religious,

the purists, the pros, the ones who will not

accept a false Messiah, love the

priest instead of the God. They do not

mistake the lover for their own pleasure,

they are like great runners: they know they are alone

with the road surface, the cold, the wind,

the fit of their shoes, their over-all cardio-

vascular health--just factors, like the partner

in the bed, and not the truth, which is the

single body alone in the universe

against its own best time.

Mhmz.... food for thought. What side of the fence do you sit on?

An Update

Hey Loves---
I know that I've been MIA for a while, and I'm sorry. To be quite honest, life as been a little more rocky that I've been able to easily manage, so I've been living task to task for a couple of weeks.

But there's nothing like a sunny Monday to renew your strength :-)

I won't go into details, but just know that I'm currently in a place where my life and my future is a little hazy. And though it looks like it depends on me, these choices coming up aren't totally in my hands. Well, that's the way I feel...

Another idea I'm exploring: maybe I'm not doing what I truly want. I mean, I think there was a point in my life where I didn't really trust my own judgement about making my life decisions, so I took someone's good idea for my life and owned it. And was pretty satisfied with doing that for as long as I didn't have that many problems. But thinking about it, I let go of many of the real dreams I had a long time ago. And though people say "just do you" it's more complicated than that.

"ME" is essentially what people have given me. It's not the same as someone reluctantly wanting what someone has given them and owning it to look like what they really want. So for me to "just do me" means going back to square one, going after my passion and making no compromises. It means totally reassessing who I am and where I see myself going.

It's a scary jump, yo.

And right now I don't know if it's worth it. I'm so far in with the path I'm on, I don't know if I'm actually bold enough to retrace my steps.

::Sigh::

it's not the end of the world, and i believed doing what i love is important. but i also believe that i can learn to love something....

give me time you guys.

♥ Shay

Why you have a FB, a twitter, a formspring, skype, and another IM service

Okay, all of ya'll most of us have been lying.

And whether you're aware of your lying, and you're just putting on a front for others, or if you actually believe your own hype, then that's another thing in yourself.

I think I've touched on this before somewhere, but our generation is so freaking connected. We are truly in an era where distance has less of an impact on bonds and communications. I often joke with people that I use my phone so many other things than calling people. I pay ATT too damn much mostly for the chance to

*check my email * text all day * tweet from class * make skype calls * read blogs on the go * sync my calendar * check FB for new photos * share photos * ...you get the picture.

Why do we need all this? Why do I need to keep up with which password is for which site or which app? How come the question "Tell me something people don't know about you" is becoming harder and harder to answer.

We say it's to keep in touch with friends. Some of us might even admit to it because, "everybody was doing it." But that's not a real reason. It's time to be real.

Everybody has a million ways to be connected because we all want to be heard.
We want to be important to someone. There is a need and compulsion to grabbing for attention.

Objection: "I don't do it [tweet, fb, blog, whatever] for attention. "
Response: You sure ain't doing it for your health. If it wasn't for attention, then you wouldn't have had a need to post it in the first place.

Objection: "I could care less what people have to say about it."
Response: Yeah, you could care less, but the point is you do care! Shoot, you care that people care.

I'm not saying that wanting attention is a bad thing. I'm just saying that it's a natural thing we do as people. We reach. We reach and we hope that if we reach out enough, someone will reach back. And today's technology gives us so many arms to reach with. But somehow, we still end up coming up short.

Having so many ways to reach people has changed our focus from quality to quantity. How many people can we reach is the new goal. Even if it isn't, that's how it ends up happening. Our generation misses out so much on the depth that used to define relationships, friendships, etc. It's so easy to make friends and connections now that the work it took to getting to know someone is gone.

This is what ends up happening: one day you need a REAL friend, and realize that none of the 300 "friends" you have on Facebook can help. Rubs me weirdly. And the other thing that happens: you try to tell someone about yourself, and you realized that all the basics have been covered in your blog. Then what do you talk about?

These are just my ideas...and like I said, we all want to be heard. Lol.
What are your thoughts?

♥ Shay

Hate Isn't Strong Enough

So I'm watching this movie in class called Mandingo and I am infuriated!!! I know it's part of my history but seeing how blacks were treated and thought about is so infuriating!

I can't take this. I might come back to this topic later.


- Posted by Shay from my iPhone

I'm Often Reminded of This

...have no expectations for anything.

No expectations means no disappointments.

♥ Shay

Click It...U Know You Wanna...

Hey all,

I don't really have much to say today, but I've been chewing over some of the stuff I've read. Some of these bloggers I know personally, and some of them I've just stumbled upon. If you're looking for something interesting to read, or you just want a new blog to stumble on, check out these:


Single Black Male tells you what makes him feel insecure...
The Fly Guy wants to know who you think is the hottest celebrity couple...
Over at Fourth Thursday, he discusses black love and relationships, and the idea of "worth"...
Then go to All Who Wander to see how she responded to Fourth Thursday...


Bonus: The first Rihanna video I've liked in a long time!



Have a good day!
♥ Shay

Valentine's Day + Love + My Life + Take Notes

This is one of the best Valentine's Day of the 21 that I've had. And it's not just because of what I got from somebody...it's also because of the general state of my life at the moment. Things are well, and I'm so grateful for that in itself.
Some things of note today:

I woke up to these at my door :-)

Then I was able to have a really good brunch with two of my friends. The food was good and the conversation was better! Shoutouts to JG and LJ! 

Also, I have two formspring questions that I answered today that I want to share with you guys.

The first one:

Q: Who is someone at WashU that you look up to? Preferably an upperclassman/woman..

A: so i accidentally deleted my first answer to this...so this one won't be as prolific lol. I feel that there are many upperclassmen women that have done great and amazing things for me, and I LOVE ALL THEM SO FREAKING MUCH. For all the good advice and consoling and nights of hanging out together. It makes me feel all warm inside. With that being said, I don't want to name all of them because I know I'll probably forget someone, and I don't want to name just one because I know that there are so many more that I would have to acknowledge.

These are not lies you guys. Lol. I'm so grateful for the people that I've met at WashU that have been such a great support system and some of them just a lot of freaking fun!


The next:

Q: Do you believe in true love? Like the kind that lasts forever? And do you think you've found it yet?

A: I've found true love in God...because my relationship with him is the prototype for all my other relationships of love. 

Yes, I do believe in true love. I'm a sucker for love, and just becoming knowledgeable in the many shapes and guises and posers of love. I believe that there is love that lasts forever, even if it does seem rare for the my generation and the generation after us...but I think it just takes a little longer to learn :-)

I don't know if I've found true love. I feel that true love has the power to stay with you through MANY phases of life... Since I've been dating, I would say my life has only had one or two phases. So I don't know if my true love is already here or if I have yet to find it... And I don't think I've had enough trails to test the durability of it either. Give me a couple more years and see what I think then... I'll have more experience and evidence by then.

I think that one is pretty explanatory. I talk about love enough and have plenty of past posts for you to know a little bit more about that.


And finally, this was on my twitter feed, and I had to RT it and post it here. 

For you dudes who don't like Trey Songz, just get past your feelings for a minute and realize the validity of these words... #imjustsayin


I know alot of this stuff has come up because it's Valentine's Day, and I know all of it is because of life being a freeway with many overlapping lanes, etc. But it was just cool how all of this has kind of fallen together in one day and how I'm a pretty happy girl at the moment. Go me!


I hope you were able to spot the love and find some appreciation in this day too, whether single or together. The love in our lives comes in so many forms, don't worry about getting caught up in just one. Love is a shape-shifter.


♥ (and not just because of the holiday!)
Shay


P.S.: it wasn't until this post that I realized I didn't have a tag for happiness. How'd that happen?


Also, I was reminded of this video. It's called "For You" by David Ryan Harris. Enjoy it!

This is a Poemtry :-)

This was so impromptu...tell how you feel about it....

Just Guessing
wind hits windowpanes
thoughts hit the brain
what-if's and maybes
tap on my imagination
don't have answers
just ungranted wishes
wind turns to rain
questions turn the same
it could be maybe
it could happen possibly
there is no certainty
just fog and blur
inside and outside
mhmz...i wonder...

♥ Shay

Why It's Good to Have Friends

Look, we all need friends. Seriously. If you're walking around pretending you're a loner with no friends, cut the bull and stop lying to yourself. In this big old world, there is somebody out there that is like you or even different from you that you are compatible with. Most of the time you don't have to look far from where you currently are to see them. But they're out there. And when you have good friends, you're quality of life shoots through the roof. Your conversations get deeper and your weekends get better. And begin to realize that even if life is beating the ish out of you, somebody out there has your back. 


It's a good feeling. Shoutout to all my friends, near me and far from me, old and new, serious and more crazy. Love all you guys.


On a note to end on.... everybody is always bragging about haters...bump that. They're irrelevant and take up too much room. Trust me, I'd rather have friends over haters any day.

♥ Shay

Back in Session

So school is back in session. Been that way for about a week now. I have been swamped beyond belief. I promise, if it wasn't for Google Calendar and my iPhone, I would be screwed.

Anyway, my current goals for the semester are just to get some healthy habits in my life. Like waking up at the same time in the morning, though going to sleep is currently a #fail. Oh well, no one's perfect, and I won't change overnight.

I'm kind of in a blah place right now. I don't really get to see much of anyone I'm close to, seeing as how we're all so busy that we are always on the run. I guess that's why it's good to be active in college. Because if you're not busy with your own agenda, you start to feel neglected because of someone else's schedule.

No worries, mine is full. Which is why I'm mad at myself for letting 3am sneak up on me with not work done. This is NOT okay. I have got to get some rest.

To everyone else, hold on out there in the college battle. Or life battles! All you have to know is that persistence can pick up the slack wherever you might have it.

♥ Shay

Randomocities

Pontaillac Beach, Royan, France. (source)

So I really had a bunch of ideas floating in my head, some which float a lot. I really just needed somewhere to put them all.

• People walk in and out of our life all the time. The only time it's a problem is when we weren't ready for them to go just yet.
• Cheating happens so often and shamelessly these days. It makes the idea of a relationship (let alone marriage) seem useless. Why build a fence if you gonna jump it anyway?
• I wonder how our generation ended up with perspectives on life so different and so far from the morals and standards of our parents? Has that much about life changed that quickly?
• People not knowing where you are is hard nowadays. Between Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, Skype, whatever... people can always find you.
• Furthermore, it's hard to preserve mystery. All our business is everywhere. You can't even hide your birthday because there's some website somewhere telling it all.
• I'm a little bi-polar. Because one day, I don't care about sharing about me, and some days I BEG for privacy and can't find it.
• Friends can get you in trouble. Friends can also get you out of trouble.
• Right now, I really want to go on a fun date...like bowling, or bumper carts, followed by dinner at a diner or something, a nice walk, a hug and kiss goodnight...mannn that would be so much fun.
• The abundance of foolery and ignorance is really gonna dumb down our society at some point. It's gonna be a sad day when you can get a high school diploma without knowing what a book is.
• If I ever have kids one day, I'm gonna have to move to Canada. or France. or hell, maybe China. Somewhere where school will be challenging and they're forced to live to their potential.
• Secondary [correction: tertiary] education aka college costs a lot of freaking money. Since it's becoming so necessary in life, when is the USA gonna step up and make this ish free?
• Putting all my random thoughts someplace makes me feel good. :-)

Til next time loves...
         ♥ Shay

Be TRUTHFULLY Honest!

What is the balance between living life the way you want to and adhering the advice and concerns of others?

I'm finding that the satisfaction I pledged to obey in 2010 is being challenged left and right by various people. It's only difficult because it comes from the mouths of loved ones. Those are the people you don't really want to disappoint. And I wonder, am I being stubborn and foolish, or is it just my confidence??

I find that what people suggest I be just doesn't fit who I want to be right now. I'm 20 years old, and I'm at a point in my life where I want to see certain things, try to do certain things, etc. And to manage my money like some or to have fun like some do....it doesn't work for me. What to do?

Don't mistake this for trying to live for anybody....it's just trying to figure out how to best live for myself. I can accept that I don't always know best...but when do I actually know what's best for me?


Help me figure this out you guys! Leave a comment. Message me. Text me. Call me...Just give me some answers. You can even answer anonymously if you have something to tell me about myself that you can't personally say.

Living. Loving. Forgiving.
♥ Shay

As Promised, A Poem

Hello Loves!

For the rest of my college students, good luck with your finals! I know I'm drowning in them now!

Anywho, as promised, I have poem for you guys! Please, leave feedback and comments on it, as it all means a bunch to me. I performed this poem this past Friday at Open Mic at my school, and I loved the feedback I got there. I hope you guys enjoy!

Oh, P.S.-- if you see something interesting in the ad link boxes, don't be afraid to click on them! I promise they're not spam! Also, it helps me earns a little change in the process...so it's harmless for all involved....

♥ Shay

So Cliché

I used to think these poems were about you

And you still do, don't you?

Even when it’s you, these are still my feelings

It just needs to be known that iFeel

Still,

Not being able to get over you is embarrassing.

like spinach in your teeth

shower singing on live TV

like tripping UP the stairs

multiple times, no alcohol

like needing the ingredient list to Mac and cheese

Some things should be obvious and easily avoided but you

You linger.

like smoke in fabric

Newport’s in my sheets bugging me out of my sleep

like dust in the air

you linger like a hangover the next morning

or the squealing ring from last night's loud music

like people with nowhere else to be

all proof of When Pleasure takes a Sharp Left and becomes A Pain in the Ass...

also: like wallets of me and you from semi's and formals

like that teddy bear you gave me that my mom refuses to throw away

or all those poems I wrote when you weren't my pain in the ass

Damn, I wish you'd go away

like I wish away pimples

like I wish I wasn't a girl every 21-23 days

like I wish away st. louis rains and winds, bad little cousins,

nightmares, and headaches

like I wish away being broke, like I wish away my fear of trusting again,

like I wish away those damn papers I should be writing right now

These clichés are for a cliché topic you

as you were (oops) as you are

all talk not many actions

declarations of love acts of selfishness

all get no give

Still, you charming, better than subpar but far from being worthwhile

I be damned if we don't love the classics.

And the classics die hard:

you will be back again

before bell-bottoms return

before people stop praising all-things-Beyonce

before another dumb ass tries to single-handedly take over Russia

and you'll try to inch and squirm back to where you used to be

and be 'just friends' until you think I'm your only option left

honestly, a twinge of me guiltily enjoys you

like a second piece of cake

like reading somebody else's diary

like knowing the words to a Miley Cyrus or Gucci Mane song

(but just a little, so don't get crazy or all caught up in your emotions)

I'm just saying the dumb shit you do tickles me!

Typical like clichés everywhere I turn

and as annoying as you are, I can't get you

or these damn clichés

far away from me

Guess I just gotta suck it up and find a way to live with you

like bad ass drivers

like dumb smart people

like paying taxes

like my momma

like criminals

like red lipstick on cheeks left by old church ladies

like ParkMudd ice cream stealers

LIKE SMART DUMB PEOPLE

and etc.

Where's the poems?

I was talking with a friend of mine over Thanksgiving BREAK, and I realized...

I haven't posted any of my poetry in a while. And I concluded that it has much to do with my poetry writing class. The truth is, I'm writing more poetry now than ever before, but I'm just not publishing it anywhere. Also, the workshop sessions that we do--where about 12 other people (constructively) rip your work to pieces--does something to the ego. I'm not so anxious to deliver a poem here if I know it might suck. But I plan to change that. After finals are done (2 weeks!) I plan to get back in the habit of posting poems in search of some feedback. So be ready to give it!
To all the other college kids out there, good luck with finals, and hopefully I can give you all some tips in the next few days or so about how to stay calm in the midst of the storm.

♥ always
-Shay

Grey Skies

I hate grey skies.

I hate it how it makes noon feel like evening time. I hate how it makes me carry around my umbrella, waiting for the rain to fall.

I especially hate how it makes me want to stay in all day and sleep.

Today is going to be difficult, with these grey skies and all. And then it's a Monday, my least favorite day of the week.

Never the less, I'm still blessed.
I'm alive. I have clothes and shoes. I still have a job. My bills are paid. I only have one class today.

For all the things that aren't done or aren't done right in my life at the moment, I still gotta say thank you.

Make moves people, and be happy.

♥ Shay

Do You Rep Yo City?

Saw this on twitter....

DevinFerrari: So now everyone wants to b from NYC cause of Jay & A. Keys. A few years ago everyone was claiming ATL cause of the crunk music..

And it made me wonder how people feel about their city. Especially Memphis people. Do you feel proud of your city? Do you represent it, or do you diss it? Do you accept other people dissing where you're from?

I personally am mixed on the issue. I appreciate Memphis for making me what I am, for exposing me to what it has exposed to me. At the same time, I get angry and frustrated with Memphis for what it has exposed me to. Sometimes I'm embarrassed of the problems we have.

Also, I never understand how people say they love to visit Memphis or when they say they want to live there. In another moment, I myself will wrestle with going back. About going back and making positive changes. But at the same time, sometimes I'm so discouraged that I feel the best thing I can do is stay away from it.

And take how I feel about Memphis, and compare it to how alot of people I meet from Chicago feel about their city. --->cue "Put On" and skip to Kanye's verse...

SOUND OFF! I WANNA KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT WHERE YOU'RE FROM!