Who Completes Me?

Let's get something straight.

I'm not that scared to admit my flaws. I'm far from perfect, and even a premature look at this blog can tell you that. And I don't think I'm holier than anyone.

With that said, I wanted to talk about a major error in relationship mentalities:

You complete me.

We love to hear people say it to their mates. We long for the day to say it to someone. When they say it in love stories, we go "aawww!"

But we shouldn't. This is not a good thing!

Now, before you start labeling me as a bitter young lady, just listen.

A pastor once came to our worship service at my college. We were talking about relationships, and he's the one that brought up the point that we shouldn't look for someone to complete us. The truth is...you should be complete before you ever try to find someone to be with. If you look at your life and say, "Something's missing," then don't try to fill it with a person! It probably means something is missing, and you should figure out what it is about your world that is leaving you feeling like that.

Look at it this way: if you have a "hole" in your life, and you fill it with someone, you become attached to that person prematurely. You're so occupied with making sure your "hole" is filled that you fail to evaluate what you're filling it with. And when that person leaves, what are you left with?
A bigger hole than you had at first. You will have given this someone some of yourself [time, energy, intimacy, etc] that you'll feel like you can't get back.

Instead, after you're pretty complete and confident on your own, find someone to complement you. Granted, this should be a person who doesn't need completing as well.

Let's briefly clear a misconception though:
Being complete does not equal being perfect.
It doesn't mean that you have to wait to finish school, find the perfect job, have your own place, have your own car, and etc. If that what works for you, then by all means, do it. But these are not absolute terms of being complete.Completing yourself is a mental confidence and assurance you have to have before you go along meshing your life with someone else's.

• If you're not over your ex, you're not complete. If you get in a relationship in this state, you're just be replacing the last one with the next one, and the pain will build.
• If you have self-esteem issues, fix that before you move on. Because you'll use the next guy/girl's affection as a substitute for the confidence you should have yourself. This won't seem like a problem in the midst of the relationship, but if things ever get rocky, it will all come crashing down.
• If you haven't made serious decisions about your life [how long do I want to be in school? when am i comfortable having sex? what do I look for in a guy/girl?] then you should answer those questions for yourself. If you don't, someone else will answer them for you.

None of this makes for less romance. It doesn't mean you can't look forward to a mate. It doesn't mean that someone isn't coming to sweep you off your feet or change your world. It just means that when they come, you'll be grounded and ready for take-off. Who wants to catch someone who's drifting?

I've had to learn a lot of this the hard way, and I'm still in the process of learning. Like I said, I'm not perfect. To be honest, I don't think I'm complete at the moment. But I'm working towards it.

Fill your own holes people. Don't let someone else fill them for you.

**oh, in case in needs to be said, this is my own opinion and perspective. the only idea that has been borrowed is the idea of being complemented vs completed. the interpretation of this is my own.**

♥ Shay