I KNOW IT'S BEEN A WHILE, BUT....

Hey all, I know you haven't heard from me in a while, but I promise that it is not entirely all my fault!

School has been so hectic, and I just haven't had that much time to spare on my blog.
My Bad, I do better, I promise :-)

Anyway, here are some things you've missed:
1. I met Nikki Giovanni and I love her even more.
2. I've decided to go natural. More details on that later.
3. I'll be in St. Louis for the summer, working, RAing, and summer schooling.
4. I'm getting Lucie (my car!) back. But I'm going to rename her :-)
5. I went home this weekend and had a really good time and regained some sanity.
6. I am in the process of a closet and clothes overhaul.

Okay, that's it for now. I will talk to you all soon! It's a promise!

♥ Shay Solace G.

Here's a "Have A Better Life" Tip

Every time you complain,
 Mirror it with something you're grateful for.

It'll keep your life in balance,
remind you that it's not so bad,
and over time minimize your complaints.

Happy Monday all!
♥ Shay

I Go Insane, Crazy Sometimes...

 I Love Maxwell! This is my favorite song from the Phoneixrising album. Yes, even more than Pretty Wings. He's supposed to be coming to Saint Louis with Jill Scott. Hopefully I won't miss him this time. I really love the old school video feel. Just him and the stage and the camera. It's nice. Enjoy you guys.

Simplified Complicated

After my last post, I got to talking to my booski via skype about sex without love, and then some more stuff. I love having smart friends, because they're capable of juggling complex ideas with you and can be okay with not reaching a solution.

Summary: we came to the conclusion that I like things in life a little complicated...or elaborate, if you will. It's a bittersweet addiction. On one end, my complicated life keeps me on my toes, keeps me motivated, moving, working towards something, it's exciting! But on the other side of the coin, complicated can get dirty, stressful, tiring, painful, and leave me running for the hills.

Which brings me to the point that I like my simplicity. I do. But I know I don't want a simple life. For one, I'll always be expecting it to go belly-up and get wayyyy out of line. Or if it doesn't do that, I'd just be bored, and probably settle into some pattern of complacency of life.

So how do I balance the two? I make simple choices in a complicated life. My friend argued back that you can't make simple choices for everything, and my counterargument was that I just have a simple procedure for reaching my conclusions and stances on things.  Why? Because life is gonna be complicated regardless of what plans you make. People with the best plans can still have fucked up lives. So why exert the extra effort of trying to avoid the inevitable?

I rather save that adrenaline for when the storm comes instead of hyping myself up on what MIGHT happen. I spent a good part of my life always worried bout what would happen next and the consequences of not weighing all the options of the future, blah blah blah.  Well, I don't even know all the options of the future, and all I really know is where I come from and what I am in the very moment. Everything else is a foolish attempt to play God. And trying to be God is a move that the devil himself knows isn't a good role to try to play.

I focus on the here and now and doing the best i can at the margin of time closest to me. When it feels too mundane, i reevaluate myself for complacency, for a decrease in drive, for a decrease in love of life. Because the easiest way to make it through life is to go through loving it. And if you aren't loving live, then life is just happening to you and you're not living at all.

I'm a complicaed being, I know. And I feel so misunderstood so much. I felt misunderstood having the conversation that this post stemmed from. I feel like my parents don't get me, and even my very best friends will attest that they've had their moments where all they could say was "WTF are you doing Shay?" Just for me to look at them, give them what I think is a  logical answer, and them still just writing it off as whatever.

I don't really take it personal anymore. Okay, that's a lie, I kinda sorta get in my feelings. But I remember that they have moments I don't understand them and just let it be.

It's hard being complicated sometimes, but I would hate to be simple and boring. I don't know. Maybe I already am.

Because I really want some tulips...

♥ Shay

How Do They Do It? [#cosign]

Was talking to one of my god-sisters tonight, and we somehow brought up the poem "Sex Without Love" by Sharon Olds. This is one of those poems that led to interesting conversation my summer at SWP (shoutouts to Carleton!) and that I still cling to. Mainly because it's opening question is one that I really want to have answered. Some people are capable of seperating the physical from the emotional, or so it seems. How do they do it? Or even better, is it possible to have sex without love? And if it isn't possible, doesn't that mean that the people who think it possible are lying to themselves?

Check out the poem. It's one of my favs:

Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds

How do they do it, the ones who make love

without love? Beautiful as dancers,

gliding over each other like ice-skaters

over the ice, fingers hooked

inside each other's bodies, faces

red as steak, wine, wet as the

children at birth whose mothers are going to

give them away. How do they come to the

come to the come to the God come to the

still waters, and not love

the one who came there with them, light

rising slowly as steam off their joined

skin? These are the true religious,

the purists, the pros, the ones who will not

accept a false Messiah, love the

priest instead of the God. They do not

mistake the lover for their own pleasure,

they are like great runners: they know they are alone

with the road surface, the cold, the wind,

the fit of their shoes, their over-all cardio-

vascular health--just factors, like the partner

in the bed, and not the truth, which is the

single body alone in the universe

against its own best time.

Mhmz.... food for thought. What side of the fence do you sit on?

An Update

Hey Loves---
I know that I've been MIA for a while, and I'm sorry. To be quite honest, life as been a little more rocky that I've been able to easily manage, so I've been living task to task for a couple of weeks.

But there's nothing like a sunny Monday to renew your strength :-)

I won't go into details, but just know that I'm currently in a place where my life and my future is a little hazy. And though it looks like it depends on me, these choices coming up aren't totally in my hands. Well, that's the way I feel...

Another idea I'm exploring: maybe I'm not doing what I truly want. I mean, I think there was a point in my life where I didn't really trust my own judgement about making my life decisions, so I took someone's good idea for my life and owned it. And was pretty satisfied with doing that for as long as I didn't have that many problems. But thinking about it, I let go of many of the real dreams I had a long time ago. And though people say "just do you" it's more complicated than that.

"ME" is essentially what people have given me. It's not the same as someone reluctantly wanting what someone has given them and owning it to look like what they really want. So for me to "just do me" means going back to square one, going after my passion and making no compromises. It means totally reassessing who I am and where I see myself going.

It's a scary jump, yo.

And right now I don't know if it's worth it. I'm so far in with the path I'm on, I don't know if I'm actually bold enough to retrace my steps.

::Sigh::

it's not the end of the world, and i believed doing what i love is important. but i also believe that i can learn to love something....

give me time you guys.

♥ Shay

Coffee, No Cream, Please

Actually, I can't even drink coffee...gives me anxiety attacks.

But the title comes from the often-used phrase, "Milk in my Coffee," usually referring to interracial dating and the such. This topic, ladies and gentlemen, is brought to you by way of this article over at Three Ways to Take It. I won't do the article an injustice by trying to summarize it. As always, I highly encourage you to go read it yourself if you're interested.


But I said all that to say...that I felt a need to respond to this one. So, for your enjoyment, what I have to say about alot of stuff, especially being a black [almost] woman and all these messages telling me to date outside the box:

March 8, 2010 at 12:42 am
Although I’m sure this is a conversation for much more “grown people,” I couldn’t resist commenting.


In my short 20 years of life and “relationships,” I haven’t actually considered dating outside my race. Even attending a PWI, where the black community is small and filled with enough drama to create a Lifetime movie, I still have a strong passion for black love.


I’m not racist, but there isn’t anything attractive about white men to me. I will admit to have a small crush on Puerto Rican dudes, but that’s another story. I love and appreciate each and every culture that makes this world of ours go round, but…I have yet to meet someone outside my race that catches my attention and makes me want to pursue them.


And yes, I have noticed the interracial talk seems to get more and more spark every day. Everywhere I turn, it seems to say that the only options I have as a black woman is to be a ghetto hood chick that wants a thug, or become educated and successful and turn into a bitch that looks down on all black men. It’s like a black woman with any type of intellect will find herself strongly disappointed with black male prospects. And I find it to be far from the truth.


I think black men and women need to quit giving up so easily on each other. We’ll keep having problems if everybody nags and no one listens to the other. And men and women are just that, no matter what their race or culture is. Dating outside your race doesn’t erase the relationship problems.


I, too, am fine with what people choose to do, as long as they’re happy and not dragging someone else down in the process. I just know that [when] I daydream about being swept of my feet one day….I mean, when I think about my future…it’s usually me with a black guy.


Shay, the college girl.

That's Just How I Like It ::Kanye shrug::


So uh...how do you like your coffee? Or do you even life coffee? And am I the only one who reads the messages out there like this?


As always, with ♥
♥ Shay

Why you have a FB, a twitter, a formspring, skype, and another IM service

Okay, all of ya'll most of us have been lying.

And whether you're aware of your lying, and you're just putting on a front for others, or if you actually believe your own hype, then that's another thing in yourself.

I think I've touched on this before somewhere, but our generation is so freaking connected. We are truly in an era where distance has less of an impact on bonds and communications. I often joke with people that I use my phone so many other things than calling people. I pay ATT too damn much mostly for the chance to

*check my email * text all day * tweet from class * make skype calls * read blogs on the go * sync my calendar * check FB for new photos * share photos * ...you get the picture.

Why do we need all this? Why do I need to keep up with which password is for which site or which app? How come the question "Tell me something people don't know about you" is becoming harder and harder to answer.

We say it's to keep in touch with friends. Some of us might even admit to it because, "everybody was doing it." But that's not a real reason. It's time to be real.

Everybody has a million ways to be connected because we all want to be heard.
We want to be important to someone. There is a need and compulsion to grabbing for attention.

Objection: "I don't do it [tweet, fb, blog, whatever] for attention. "
Response: You sure ain't doing it for your health. If it wasn't for attention, then you wouldn't have had a need to post it in the first place.

Objection: "I could care less what people have to say about it."
Response: Yeah, you could care less, but the point is you do care! Shoot, you care that people care.

I'm not saying that wanting attention is a bad thing. I'm just saying that it's a natural thing we do as people. We reach. We reach and we hope that if we reach out enough, someone will reach back. And today's technology gives us so many arms to reach with. But somehow, we still end up coming up short.

Having so many ways to reach people has changed our focus from quality to quantity. How many people can we reach is the new goal. Even if it isn't, that's how it ends up happening. Our generation misses out so much on the depth that used to define relationships, friendships, etc. It's so easy to make friends and connections now that the work it took to getting to know someone is gone.

This is what ends up happening: one day you need a REAL friend, and realize that none of the 300 "friends" you have on Facebook can help. Rubs me weirdly. And the other thing that happens: you try to tell someone about yourself, and you realized that all the basics have been covered in your blog. Then what do you talk about?

These are just my ideas...and like I said, we all want to be heard. Lol.
What are your thoughts?

♥ Shay

[UPDATED Shoe Report] I Think I Can...

...make it through lent without losing my mind breaking my promise.

I gave up
1. Fried food
2. Sodas
which is medium difficulty to get rid of. That means no chips, no fries, no tots, no chicken tenders...etc. And no cokes, sprites, or even cherry coke zero....gah! lol.

Other things I considered giving up:
- all bottled drinks
- chocolate
- cursing
- twitter
- facebook

but clearly I can't live life without these! And I can't be lying to God...

*No, I'm not Catholic, but I respect and understand the purpose of lent and what it can do for ones relationship with God, so I decided to give it a chance.

Other News:

I got my hair cut. Not the back, but mostly from the top and sides. So my hair is definitely at a cut I haven't experienced before.

Clearly this isn't the best picture of me, but it's only for the sake of the hair.

I was really happy with the whole process...the relaxer was gentle but effective, the cut wasn't too drastic, but different and fitting. Plus, I left feeling like a million bucks great.

Also, I will soon be the proud owner of these:

Rashida, in Red

I was sooo happy when these showed up in my Shoedazzle showroom. I've been wanting a. cutout booties and some b. red pumps for a while, so this was like a 2-for-1. As everyone has asked me, no, I don't know where the hell I'm gonna wear these, since there's no way I'm about to be walking to class in the snow in these bad boys...but who knows... if the weather acts right, I might compromise.

So that's it. I'm having a good Friday. :-) And that makes me happy :-) You need to have a good weekend too!

♥ Shay

**Updated to Say**
I wore Rashida this past Friday afternoon. It was a beautiful day and another good friday. I will say, these baby girls are high, but I love them! My foot was nice and snug, which felt nice, until I was standing up too long. Lol. These are definitely for show, so make sure you show 'em right when you do.

Hate Isn't Strong Enough

So I'm watching this movie in class called Mandingo and I am infuriated!!! I know it's part of my history but seeing how blacks were treated and thought about is so infuriating!

I can't take this. I might come back to this topic later.


- Posted by Shay from my iPhone