Lessons From Sophomore Year

So last year I did a note on lessons I learned from Freshmen year. (Link >>> here)

Well, I decided it was time to do it again. So here goes.

1. Your REAL friends return for another year. You all might get busy and start to miss each other, but no one forgets about the other.
2. New friends come along, and if they belong, they just FIT. Meaning, you don't feel like you're forced to change for them.
3. Sophomore year comes and you start to see the snakes in the grass.
4. It's amusing watching freshmen learn the same lessons you learned.
5. Some people have never had to financially take care of themselves before. So they don't understand questions like "How much is your cell phone bill?" or statements like "I need gas money."
6. Declaring a major is hard because you have to start thinking about real life.
7. People are [STILL] there to help you. Just because you're not a freshmen anymore doesn't mean you won't still need someone to talk to you, to tutor you, to help you study, etc.
8. Even I, with all my flaws, has something to teach someone.
9. Mentoring is so amazing! And it's not just about what you can teach, but also what you can learn.
10. When people do wrong by you, the feeling that follows hurt is apathy.
11. There are still reasons left not to give up on the male species. There are some out there that are true gentlemen.
12. Dress for yourself. Because if you don't dress up, people got something to say. If you do dress up, people got all the questions in the world about where you going and who you dressing up for.
13. Good friends can support you, even if they don't understand.
14. Too much alcohol - food = bad idea.
15. The best birthdays are with good friends.
16.The world thinks that successful black women can't get married.
17. Sometimes, the people who look they're trying to be a part of the solution are the whole damn problem to begin with.
18. You get burned out on lower BD food before the first semester is over.
19. Nikki Giovanni is so real, I can understand why the FBI might have had her on a list.
20. Shihan is still fine, even though he is married with kids, and he cut his hair off.
21. Family Guy, after you get used to the humor, is your favoritest show to watch at two in the morning.
22. Pastor Kearney Thomas is HIGHlarious lmao. But also somewhat of an embarrassment.
23. Twitter brings drama that we haven't seen since the invention of the picture phone. (see video below for clarification)



24. The things your parents don't know about you grows and grows. But it's not so bad now because you're getting old enough to make choices like that.
25. Waking up is sometimes harder than just staying up.
26. Sometimes you have not because you ask not. So just ask.
27. Every new year in hip-hop and rap makes you wonder how people like Waka and Soulja boy are making all the money, and people like B.O.B. and Wale are struggling.
28. I look good with bangs

29. You have to learn to give yourself more credit for your accomplishments. Most people are so busy with their own lives that everyone doesn't always have time to stop and pat you on the back.
30. People who support you make time to help you cope.
31. A blender makes dull Friday nights so much better.
32. Hulu and Netflix gives your computer a whole new purpose.
33. God's grace and mercy is so real, even when you're too busy to believe it.
34. People read my blog! ♥
35. You just got to live your life the way that makes you happy. If you do that, don't let the other ish get too deep under your skin, and know that everything happens for a reason, you paint yourself a beautiful life.

I'm stopping at 35 this year. ♥ Thanks to everyone who has helped me learn this year and have been with me throughout the school year; I love you all:
Jacqui, Chavelle, Lamar, Ryadah, Jerrica, Riean, Twin BayBay, Liz, Ms. LaShawnda, J-Strong, Portia, Natalie, Teaire, my Mommy!, my Daddy! ..............and any other names I forgot, insert here _________!

Leave your comments and your lessons learned!
♥ Shay

Good News, Good Thoughts...

Hey bloggers... I have a lot of good news in this post...no negativity.

First of all, I applied for two positions for next year, and I got them BOTH! I will be a TRIO Leader and an RA! Whoop whoop! These two positions will really give me a chance to be involved in the WashU community and give me the outlet to help people the way I want to. It's helping me with my college goal of leaving my imprint on this school in some way.

Also, I'm still loving my friends. For days. They're the one's who love me even when I make foolish mistakes. And they're the ones whose back I will always have. We can be silly together, listen to each others problems, and help solve them if need be. :-)

I have a (re)New(ed) motivation to get my life together, to do what I need to do. And I know that sounds cliche, but when you've been in place where you truly thought you weren't worthy of being or was sure that the only end was failure, then you know that this drive to keep it moving and press forward in confidence is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Even something simple as needing a new laptop battery--God is making a way for it to happen. 

My sister is being blessed too! New car, new job, a slight raise! it makes me happy to see her happy. So yayyy!

There are some other things too, but I'll stop there.

In general, I'm just grateful. In the scope of life in general, I know that some don't have it as well as I do, and to a large degree, I'm not worthy. I'll just continue to take them as they come, and not take anything for granted.

Do You Rep Yo City?

Saw this on twitter....

DevinFerrari: So now everyone wants to b from NYC cause of Jay & A. Keys. A few years ago everyone was claiming ATL cause of the crunk music..

And it made me wonder how people feel about their city. Especially Memphis people. Do you feel proud of your city? Do you represent it, or do you diss it? Do you accept other people dissing where you're from?

I personally am mixed on the issue. I appreciate Memphis for making me what I am, for exposing me to what it has exposed to me. At the same time, I get angry and frustrated with Memphis for what it has exposed me to. Sometimes I'm embarrassed of the problems we have.

Also, I never understand how people say they love to visit Memphis or when they say they want to live there. In another moment, I myself will wrestle with going back. About going back and making positive changes. But at the same time, sometimes I'm so discouraged that I feel the best thing I can do is stay away from it.

And take how I feel about Memphis, and compare it to how alot of people I meet from Chicago feel about their city. --->cue "Put On" and skip to Kanye's verse...

SOUND OFF! I WANNA KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT WHERE YOU'RE FROM!

Who Completes Me?

Let's get something straight.

I'm not that scared to admit my flaws. I'm far from perfect, and even a premature look at this blog can tell you that. And I don't think I'm holier than anyone.

With that said, I wanted to talk about a major error in relationship mentalities:

You complete me.

We love to hear people say it to their mates. We long for the day to say it to someone. When they say it in love stories, we go "aawww!"

But we shouldn't. This is not a good thing!

Now, before you start labeling me as a bitter young lady, just listen.

A pastor once came to our worship service at my college. We were talking about relationships, and he's the one that brought up the point that we shouldn't look for someone to complete us. The truth is...you should be complete before you ever try to find someone to be with. If you look at your life and say, "Something's missing," then don't try to fill it with a person! It probably means something is missing, and you should figure out what it is about your world that is leaving you feeling like that.

Look at it this way: if you have a "hole" in your life, and you fill it with someone, you become attached to that person prematurely. You're so occupied with making sure your "hole" is filled that you fail to evaluate what you're filling it with. And when that person leaves, what are you left with?
A bigger hole than you had at first. You will have given this someone some of yourself [time, energy, intimacy, etc] that you'll feel like you can't get back.

Instead, after you're pretty complete and confident on your own, find someone to complement you. Granted, this should be a person who doesn't need completing as well.

Let's briefly clear a misconception though:
Being complete does not equal being perfect.
It doesn't mean that you have to wait to finish school, find the perfect job, have your own place, have your own car, and etc. If that what works for you, then by all means, do it. But these are not absolute terms of being complete.Completing yourself is a mental confidence and assurance you have to have before you go along meshing your life with someone else's.

• If you're not over your ex, you're not complete. If you get in a relationship in this state, you're just be replacing the last one with the next one, and the pain will build.
• If you have self-esteem issues, fix that before you move on. Because you'll use the next guy/girl's affection as a substitute for the confidence you should have yourself. This won't seem like a problem in the midst of the relationship, but if things ever get rocky, it will all come crashing down.
• If you haven't made serious decisions about your life [how long do I want to be in school? when am i comfortable having sex? what do I look for in a guy/girl?] then you should answer those questions for yourself. If you don't, someone else will answer them for you.

None of this makes for less romance. It doesn't mean you can't look forward to a mate. It doesn't mean that someone isn't coming to sweep you off your feet or change your world. It just means that when they come, you'll be grounded and ready for take-off. Who wants to catch someone who's drifting?

I've had to learn a lot of this the hard way, and I'm still in the process of learning. Like I said, I'm not perfect. To be honest, I don't think I'm complete at the moment. But I'm working towards it.

Fill your own holes people. Don't let someone else fill them for you.

**oh, in case in needs to be said, this is my own opinion and perspective. the only idea that has been borrowed is the idea of being complemented vs completed. the interpretation of this is my own.**

♥ Shay

A Writer's Fear

Words don't fail me now,
Not when I have so much to say
Come easily, don't fight me
There is so much at stake

Fingers to keys
Take this stress away from me
Scrawl the pain from my heart
Suck the poison from my mind
My emotions have waged a war on me
Words, if you don't help
I'm sure I'll be defeated.

The excessive love in my system
Is too much pressure on my heart
It's causing pains and malfunctions
Threatening to rip apart my heart
Expel it from my system
Investigate it on paper
Save my life, words,
So I can live to tell the story

Words are all I need to get better
If only they cooperate
No drugs, no drinks, no cuts
Returns my smile like a good poem
-Written by Moi

Writing is my therapy, and I love to write. People give me compliments a lot about my writing abilities, but there is always a need, a want, to improve and get better.
But there's usually something else: doubt.

definition: doubt.
A fluctuation of mind arising from defect of knowledge or evidence; uncertainty of judgment or mind; unsettled state of opinion concerning the reality of an event, or the truth of an assertion, etc.; hesitation.

Sometimes you can never be sure if you're making a difference with your writing. Many people read without giving feedback, and more often, people never get around to reading what you have to say at all.
Or you criticize yourself too much, wondering if you should have said it "that" way over the the way you actually expressed yourself. I don't know any writer who doesn't wonder that.

It's more than just writers though. Everyone has doubted themselves at points. Especially when the situation they're in dramatically contrasts with where they aspire to be.

An interesting quote to ponder:

Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
Kahlil Gibran

Letting go of doubt, and latching on to faith is a good move to make. I don't try to make anyone do anything they don't want to do, but there are my opinions and my suggestions.

Doubt and faith both feed off the same thing: the unknown. How you react to the unknown determines whether you doubt or if you have faith.
When you panic, worry, and let the fact that you don't know what the future holds scare you, you doubt.
When you have confidence, believe everything is going to be fine, and perceive your future as the product of doing your very best, you have faith.

(Yes, this epiphany just came to me as I wrote. Lol. Even though part of me knew this all along...)

So writing is my therapy and it makes me feel better. Someone (or some people) out there enjoys my writing, what I do.
Therefore, I won't stop. Won't let my doubt override my faith. I'mma do me.

I'm gonna write.
Hearts and Love

|♦Optimism♦|

Despite all the things that have went haywire lately, the last couple of days seem to be bouncing back moments.

My sister bought me chocolate and strawberries! Which made me really happy. It helped pick up my mood. ::thanks to those mood-boosting chemicals in chocolate!:: I wouldn't say I'm an emotional eater, but if it makes me feel better, why should I feel bad about that? THAT'S WHAT IT's MEANT TO DO!

And I've been realizing that some people's faces light up when they see me! That makes me feel so remarkable. I'm not bragging on myself, but it does make me happy. When someone's face lights up at the site of you, that means you bring them real joy. That's something that's hard to fake ::though i don't put it past some to pull it off:: and it's a sign of true genuine happiness.

Got to get this confidence back. They say until you're confident enough to picture yourself somewhere, believe you can do it!, and push to get it done, everything will fall apart for you. Even the stuff that you're competent to do! Trust me. Things have fallen apart for me, and I know that it's time to pick up the pieces and start anew.

I might not have the best grades in the world. Might not have the best disposition. Not the prettiest. Don't have the most money in the world. Not always the correct. Might not be well known.

But I AM WHO I AM: Adrianne Lashey Gore, with a heart that loves and a smile that shines. With brains to take me far, with enough beauty to know I am pretty. I got the common sense to know my worth and how I should be treated and I have the tolerance to get rid of toxic people. <---recent discovery…clap clap.

And true, part of this is just to hype myself up to be encouraged, but I deep down, even in my anxiety, I know the true about myself. Dozens and dozens of people can't see something in you unless it's there, and there are plenty of people who see things in me even when I'm not looking for them.

So, let's hope the lonely days bite the dust. They will come back, unfortunately, but they always lose.

To those of you out there: Keep smiling, hold your head up, speak positivity into your future, even if it seems impossible. And if it feels like it's too much to bear, reach out to someone who cares. And if you think no one cares for you, you can always talk to me!

Hearts and love.