Thoughts on My Mind: Mini-Rants

::Sigh::

... words are all i cling to, and when I need them most, I don't have any to give.

::Love is Complicated::

Love... I still want for it, but I wander if wanting for such an ideal is foolish. I'm learning the disappointment that comes from expectations of people when we're in love, and the confusion of what we want to do and what we actually do in love. I think Facebook should remove all other status options except "it's complicated" because anytime two people attach themselves together, it gets complicated. Even when they're perfectly happy, it's complicated. 

::I'm the Jealous Type::

Jealousy has been my weakness for many years. Though people say horoscopes aren't real, the portrayal of Scorpios as jealous creatures has my name written all over it. Years ago, I tried to deny that it was an issue, often blaming the jealousy on other principles or issues. But as I've gotten older, I find that it is only fair to let those who are close to me know what the deal really is. I get jealous when I know I have no position to be jealous. I get jealous about people even when they aren't a real threat. Hell, I get jealous of my friends becoming friends without me. Is it insecurity? A little--I'm grown enough to admit that about myself too. But my jealousy really comes from my knowledge that life doesn't run off of logic, but moreso instincts and uncontrollable variables. Ever heard of friends becoming lovers? Yeah, they didn't see that shit coming their damn selves. It also comes from the part of me that finds something great and unique in everybody, and the jealousy is just me wanting what they have. I don't know. I'm not proud of my jealousy, just aware of it. And I just really hope that the next person I'm with will work with me on it, and know that I'm trying to fix it. In return, I can promise them that I try to keep it at bay. I won't bring it up often, I don't go searching through your cell phone. But I will raise my eyebrows at too many chicks around you-- i wanna know who they are, how long they been around. But other than that, I'm pretty mild. But yes, I'm jealous. Even petty sometimes. So sue me.

::#TeamNoKids....Right Now::

I am deathly afraid of the thought of having kids right now. I notice how when I'm with my niece and she won't stop crying that I start to fall apart. Who knew that a toddler could make you feel so helpless? You can't talk to them, you can't rationalize with them, and fear doesn't even work with them. I'm always afraid that I won't be able to manage kids. Hell, I have a hard time managing myself. Can I really do that to another child? And what about the father? I declare, that if I somehow end up with some trifling baby-daddy situation, or a non-active paternal figure in my child's life, I'mma have to kidnap his ass and tie him to see-saw to play with his child. I ain't gonna lie and say I'm superwoman. I just told you what my niece does to my nerves! Girl or boy, my child  needs a daddy. Not that I'm having any of them any time soon.

No shade to the ladies handling it and holding it down with little ones right now, but that definitely wasn't in the plan for me. I don't have an anticipation for kids, except with the thought of a husband. Maybe my maternal biological clock is on snooze.

::About My Education::

Every time I tell people I'm majoring in English, they ask me am I going to be a teacher. NO. I wanna wear a sign that says, "English majors do more than teach." One girl went so far as to almost utter that an English degree is useless. Uhm...  the simple ass spelling errors all over Facebook profiles and in tweets by GROWN FOLKS seem to suggest some people should have considered the major. Why is it so hard for people to imagine that an English major would want to be a writer? Like, when you meet art majors, you don't ask them if they're gonna teach Art History, do you? Not knocking any one who does pursue these paths because we always need great teachers, but it's different when it's your passion. It's a totally different story when it is assumed upon you.

I'm an English major because if I'm gonna spend thousands of dollars over the course of years for a degree, it's going to be in something I love. And trust me, it's MY money i'm spending.

::Don't Ask Rhetorical Questions!::

It really bugs the mess out of me when people who claim they care about me never take the time to listen to my issues. Like, don't ask me how I'm doing and then start talking about yourself before I utter  a word. And don't say you want to get to know me if you don't wanna know about my random days, or my relationship with my family, or my favorite color, or even my crazy ass dream I had about you. If we can only talk about an us, or abstract intellectual conversations, and never divulge anything about our individual selves, we're just long-time strangers. That gets under my skin. And If I ask you about yourself, that's because I actually want to know. Don't ignore my question, unless you just wanna be ignored. We can work with that too...

New Poem: Love Me or Leave Me Alone

This poem was inspired by a venting session with my bestie and my Scorp. A mesh of fact and fiction, the hypothetical and the actual, people you know and people you never heard of. So you don't have to ask me who this is about :-)
Enjoy!


Love Me or Leave Me Alone
Love me or leave me alone
...didn't understand it until now
you taunting me with your new gf
Yet still keeping in touch with me...

Love me or leave me alone
Apologizing for falling out of touch
And still keeping yourself distanced
Helps nothing but my irritation and questions

Love me or leave me alone
Both simultaneously isn't an option
I've already proved my commitment
Honestly I'm tired of  trying and losing
Pulling me down this endless road
The fucked up part is-- I care so much
I'd just about let you, too.

Love me or leave me alone
You're holding up progress to my happiness
You can be a part of that picture or not;
Give me an answer before I snap...

Beating around the bush
Trying to have me and her
Popping up when your life's convenient.
Being a woman in a feeling
Doesn't obligate me to wait
And waiting ain't wising you up
So let me explicitly say:

Love Me or Leave Me Alone
   Hoping for the former
   Praying it ain't the latter
   Grateful for an answer
if you give me either.

Lessons From Sophomore Year

So last year I did a note on lessons I learned from Freshmen year. (Link >>> here)

Well, I decided it was time to do it again. So here goes.

1. Your REAL friends return for another year. You all might get busy and start to miss each other, but no one forgets about the other.
2. New friends come along, and if they belong, they just FIT. Meaning, you don't feel like you're forced to change for them.
3. Sophomore year comes and you start to see the snakes in the grass.
4. It's amusing watching freshmen learn the same lessons you learned.
5. Some people have never had to financially take care of themselves before. So they don't understand questions like "How much is your cell phone bill?" or statements like "I need gas money."
6. Declaring a major is hard because you have to start thinking about real life.
7. People are [STILL] there to help you. Just because you're not a freshmen anymore doesn't mean you won't still need someone to talk to you, to tutor you, to help you study, etc.
8. Even I, with all my flaws, has something to teach someone.
9. Mentoring is so amazing! And it's not just about what you can teach, but also what you can learn.
10. When people do wrong by you, the feeling that follows hurt is apathy.
11. There are still reasons left not to give up on the male species. There are some out there that are true gentlemen.
12. Dress for yourself. Because if you don't dress up, people got something to say. If you do dress up, people got all the questions in the world about where you going and who you dressing up for.
13. Good friends can support you, even if they don't understand.
14. Too much alcohol - food = bad idea.
15. The best birthdays are with good friends.
16.The world thinks that successful black women can't get married.
17. Sometimes, the people who look they're trying to be a part of the solution are the whole damn problem to begin with.
18. You get burned out on lower BD food before the first semester is over.
19. Nikki Giovanni is so real, I can understand why the FBI might have had her on a list.
20. Shihan is still fine, even though he is married with kids, and he cut his hair off.
21. Family Guy, after you get used to the humor, is your favoritest show to watch at two in the morning.
22. Pastor Kearney Thomas is HIGHlarious lmao. But also somewhat of an embarrassment.
23. Twitter brings drama that we haven't seen since the invention of the picture phone. (see video below for clarification)



24. The things your parents don't know about you grows and grows. But it's not so bad now because you're getting old enough to make choices like that.
25. Waking up is sometimes harder than just staying up.
26. Sometimes you have not because you ask not. So just ask.
27. Every new year in hip-hop and rap makes you wonder how people like Waka and Soulja boy are making all the money, and people like B.O.B. and Wale are struggling.
28. I look good with bangs

29. You have to learn to give yourself more credit for your accomplishments. Most people are so busy with their own lives that everyone doesn't always have time to stop and pat you on the back.
30. People who support you make time to help you cope.
31. A blender makes dull Friday nights so much better.
32. Hulu and Netflix gives your computer a whole new purpose.
33. God's grace and mercy is so real, even when you're too busy to believe it.
34. People read my blog! ♥
35. You just got to live your life the way that makes you happy. If you do that, don't let the other ish get too deep under your skin, and know that everything happens for a reason, you paint yourself a beautiful life.

I'm stopping at 35 this year. ♥ Thanks to everyone who has helped me learn this year and have been with me throughout the school year; I love you all:
Jacqui, Chavelle, Lamar, Ryadah, Jerrica, Riean, Twin BayBay, Liz, Ms. LaShawnda, J-Strong, Portia, Natalie, Teaire, my Mommy!, my Daddy! ..............and any other names I forgot, insert here _________!

Leave your comments and your lessons learned!
♥ Shay

Here's a "Have A Better Life" Tip

Every time you complain,
 Mirror it with something you're grateful for.

It'll keep your life in balance,
remind you that it's not so bad,
and over time minimize your complaints.

Happy Monday all!
♥ Shay

Simplified Complicated

After my last post, I got to talking to my booski via skype about sex without love, and then some more stuff. I love having smart friends, because they're capable of juggling complex ideas with you and can be okay with not reaching a solution.

Summary: we came to the conclusion that I like things in life a little complicated...or elaborate, if you will. It's a bittersweet addiction. On one end, my complicated life keeps me on my toes, keeps me motivated, moving, working towards something, it's exciting! But on the other side of the coin, complicated can get dirty, stressful, tiring, painful, and leave me running for the hills.

Which brings me to the point that I like my simplicity. I do. But I know I don't want a simple life. For one, I'll always be expecting it to go belly-up and get wayyyy out of line. Or if it doesn't do that, I'd just be bored, and probably settle into some pattern of complacency of life.

So how do I balance the two? I make simple choices in a complicated life. My friend argued back that you can't make simple choices for everything, and my counterargument was that I just have a simple procedure for reaching my conclusions and stances on things.  Why? Because life is gonna be complicated regardless of what plans you make. People with the best plans can still have fucked up lives. So why exert the extra effort of trying to avoid the inevitable?

I rather save that adrenaline for when the storm comes instead of hyping myself up on what MIGHT happen. I spent a good part of my life always worried bout what would happen next and the consequences of not weighing all the options of the future, blah blah blah.  Well, I don't even know all the options of the future, and all I really know is where I come from and what I am in the very moment. Everything else is a foolish attempt to play God. And trying to be God is a move that the devil himself knows isn't a good role to try to play.

I focus on the here and now and doing the best i can at the margin of time closest to me. When it feels too mundane, i reevaluate myself for complacency, for a decrease in drive, for a decrease in love of life. Because the easiest way to make it through life is to go through loving it. And if you aren't loving live, then life is just happening to you and you're not living at all.

I'm a complicaed being, I know. And I feel so misunderstood so much. I felt misunderstood having the conversation that this post stemmed from. I feel like my parents don't get me, and even my very best friends will attest that they've had their moments where all they could say was "WTF are you doing Shay?" Just for me to look at them, give them what I think is a  logical answer, and them still just writing it off as whatever.

I don't really take it personal anymore. Okay, that's a lie, I kinda sorta get in my feelings. But I remember that they have moments I don't understand them and just let it be.

It's hard being complicated sometimes, but I would hate to be simple and boring. I don't know. Maybe I already am.

Because I really want some tulips...

♥ Shay

How Do They Do It? [#cosign]

Was talking to one of my god-sisters tonight, and we somehow brought up the poem "Sex Without Love" by Sharon Olds. This is one of those poems that led to interesting conversation my summer at SWP (shoutouts to Carleton!) and that I still cling to. Mainly because it's opening question is one that I really want to have answered. Some people are capable of seperating the physical from the emotional, or so it seems. How do they do it? Or even better, is it possible to have sex without love? And if it isn't possible, doesn't that mean that the people who think it possible are lying to themselves?

Check out the poem. It's one of my favs:

Sex Without Love by Sharon Olds

How do they do it, the ones who make love

without love? Beautiful as dancers,

gliding over each other like ice-skaters

over the ice, fingers hooked

inside each other's bodies, faces

red as steak, wine, wet as the

children at birth whose mothers are going to

give them away. How do they come to the

come to the come to the God come to the

still waters, and not love

the one who came there with them, light

rising slowly as steam off their joined

skin? These are the true religious,

the purists, the pros, the ones who will not

accept a false Messiah, love the

priest instead of the God. They do not

mistake the lover for their own pleasure,

they are like great runners: they know they are alone

with the road surface, the cold, the wind,

the fit of their shoes, their over-all cardio-

vascular health--just factors, like the partner

in the bed, and not the truth, which is the

single body alone in the universe

against its own best time.

Mhmz.... food for thought. What side of the fence do you sit on?

An Update

Hey Loves---
I know that I've been MIA for a while, and I'm sorry. To be quite honest, life as been a little more rocky that I've been able to easily manage, so I've been living task to task for a couple of weeks.

But there's nothing like a sunny Monday to renew your strength :-)

I won't go into details, but just know that I'm currently in a place where my life and my future is a little hazy. And though it looks like it depends on me, these choices coming up aren't totally in my hands. Well, that's the way I feel...

Another idea I'm exploring: maybe I'm not doing what I truly want. I mean, I think there was a point in my life where I didn't really trust my own judgement about making my life decisions, so I took someone's good idea for my life and owned it. And was pretty satisfied with doing that for as long as I didn't have that many problems. But thinking about it, I let go of many of the real dreams I had a long time ago. And though people say "just do you" it's more complicated than that.

"ME" is essentially what people have given me. It's not the same as someone reluctantly wanting what someone has given them and owning it to look like what they really want. So for me to "just do me" means going back to square one, going after my passion and making no compromises. It means totally reassessing who I am and where I see myself going.

It's a scary jump, yo.

And right now I don't know if it's worth it. I'm so far in with the path I'm on, I don't know if I'm actually bold enough to retrace my steps.

::Sigh::

it's not the end of the world, and i believed doing what i love is important. but i also believe that i can learn to love something....

give me time you guys.

♥ Shay

Valentine's Day + Love + My Life + Take Notes

This is one of the best Valentine's Day of the 21 that I've had. And it's not just because of what I got from somebody...it's also because of the general state of my life at the moment. Things are well, and I'm so grateful for that in itself.
Some things of note today:

I woke up to these at my door :-)

Then I was able to have a really good brunch with two of my friends. The food was good and the conversation was better! Shoutouts to JG and LJ! 

Also, I have two formspring questions that I answered today that I want to share with you guys.

The first one:

Q: Who is someone at WashU that you look up to? Preferably an upperclassman/woman..

A: so i accidentally deleted my first answer to this...so this one won't be as prolific lol. I feel that there are many upperclassmen women that have done great and amazing things for me, and I LOVE ALL THEM SO FREAKING MUCH. For all the good advice and consoling and nights of hanging out together. It makes me feel all warm inside. With that being said, I don't want to name all of them because I know I'll probably forget someone, and I don't want to name just one because I know that there are so many more that I would have to acknowledge.

These are not lies you guys. Lol. I'm so grateful for the people that I've met at WashU that have been such a great support system and some of them just a lot of freaking fun!


The next:

Q: Do you believe in true love? Like the kind that lasts forever? And do you think you've found it yet?

A: I've found true love in God...because my relationship with him is the prototype for all my other relationships of love. 

Yes, I do believe in true love. I'm a sucker for love, and just becoming knowledgeable in the many shapes and guises and posers of love. I believe that there is love that lasts forever, even if it does seem rare for the my generation and the generation after us...but I think it just takes a little longer to learn :-)

I don't know if I've found true love. I feel that true love has the power to stay with you through MANY phases of life... Since I've been dating, I would say my life has only had one or two phases. So I don't know if my true love is already here or if I have yet to find it... And I don't think I've had enough trails to test the durability of it either. Give me a couple more years and see what I think then... I'll have more experience and evidence by then.

I think that one is pretty explanatory. I talk about love enough and have plenty of past posts for you to know a little bit more about that.


And finally, this was on my twitter feed, and I had to RT it and post it here. 

For you dudes who don't like Trey Songz, just get past your feelings for a minute and realize the validity of these words... #imjustsayin


I know alot of this stuff has come up because it's Valentine's Day, and I know all of it is because of life being a freeway with many overlapping lanes, etc. But it was just cool how all of this has kind of fallen together in one day and how I'm a pretty happy girl at the moment. Go me!


I hope you were able to spot the love and find some appreciation in this day too, whether single or together. The love in our lives comes in so many forms, don't worry about getting caught up in just one. Love is a shape-shifter.


♥ (and not just because of the holiday!)
Shay


P.S.: it wasn't until this post that I realized I didn't have a tag for happiness. How'd that happen?


Also, I was reminded of this video. It's called "For You" by David Ryan Harris. Enjoy it!

Being in Love by Yourself

is not something I'm trying to do again.

I was reading --->THIS over at jaychanelle's page. No, definitely go read it...the girl is on her ish. Anyway, she starts talking about how relationships are not 50/50, an how sometimes you have to bend for the other. This is a truth I acknowledge and agree fully with. But I, along with a bunch of experienced people, can tell you that sometimes this can become a guise for being in love all by yourself.

So what does it mean to be in love by yourself? It's when you feel like you're the only person who want need the relationship to last. Your spouse seems nonchalant toward you or lazy in the relationship. You look up one day and you're the only one calling, always making the plans, and having to be the first one to say "I Love You" "We Need to Talk." Before you realize you're in love by yourself, you might make up excuses like "s/he appreciates me, they just don't know how to show it." or "S/he just doesn't have the time, but s/he loves me."

These are all false. Not to steal jaychanelle's thunder, but if someone is really serious about being in a relationship, they make the time. They'll find a way to juggle homework and quality time for you. And they learn how to says "thank you" or, as they should, reciprocate the feelings. Being in love by yourself might make you look like a hero in some way--fighting for love despite the lack of help--but you're not. You're just weighing yourself down.

I won't discount the people who have stuck it through, even when they were getting nothing, and are now stronger than ever. This is the exception. Too often, it's not until they are in jeopardy of losing something that people finally make the choice to give support in the relationship. My question is: if it takes the threat of losing you (especially if this has to happen repeatedly) for someone to be the type of mate you need, do you really want to be with them?

Like I said before, I don't want to have to do this again. I've done it, and it can weaken you, it can weaken your trust in relationships. Don't let yourself be subject to it. Even more, don't put yourself through it. If a guy or girl tells you that they're not ready for a relationship or they can't give you what you need, believe them. I'm sorry, but the whole "I'll still be here for you" while still hoping in the back of your mind that one day they'll be indebted to you for your support....ain't gonna work.


I'm not trying to kill dreams here, but just trying to say, if you allow the lies to go on too long, you'll start to feel like a victim of love and be around here like Amy Winehouse, calling love a losing game.

Don't be in love by yourself. If you are, you better off letting whoever that is go and just being in love with yourself.


Until next time,
♥ Shay

P.S. -- If you already think love is a losing game, check out Amy below:

Why It's Good to Have Friends

Look, we all need friends. Seriously. If you're walking around pretending you're a loner with no friends, cut the bull and stop lying to yourself. In this big old world, there is somebody out there that is like you or even different from you that you are compatible with. Most of the time you don't have to look far from where you currently are to see them. But they're out there. And when you have good friends, you're quality of life shoots through the roof. Your conversations get deeper and your weekends get better. And begin to realize that even if life is beating the ish out of you, somebody out there has your back. 


It's a good feeling. Shoutout to all my friends, near me and far from me, old and new, serious and more crazy. Love all you guys.


On a note to end on.... everybody is always bragging about haters...bump that. They're irrelevant and take up too much room. Trust me, I'd rather have friends over haters any day.

♥ Shay

Be TRUTHFULLY Honest!

What is the balance between living life the way you want to and adhering the advice and concerns of others?

I'm finding that the satisfaction I pledged to obey in 2010 is being challenged left and right by various people. It's only difficult because it comes from the mouths of loved ones. Those are the people you don't really want to disappoint. And I wonder, am I being stubborn and foolish, or is it just my confidence??

I find that what people suggest I be just doesn't fit who I want to be right now. I'm 20 years old, and I'm at a point in my life where I want to see certain things, try to do certain things, etc. And to manage my money like some or to have fun like some do....it doesn't work for me. What to do?

Don't mistake this for trying to live for anybody....it's just trying to figure out how to best live for myself. I can accept that I don't always know best...but when do I actually know what's best for me?


Help me figure this out you guys! Leave a comment. Message me. Text me. Call me...Just give me some answers. You can even answer anonymously if you have something to tell me about myself that you can't personally say.

Living. Loving. Forgiving.
♥ Shay

I'm Not Ruined, Just a Little Wounded :-(

Going through my Google Reader, I came across this article over at Fly Guy Chronicles, and I really felt a need to respond to it. What better place than my blog?

I don't feel like someone can "ruin" you, but it can wound your emotions for a long time. In relationships, we take so many injuries to our emotions with silence, because we're taught to pick and choose our battles in the world of love. Well, if the injuries come too frequently with no room to heal, then you just get burned out. So I can relate to the woman who said that she was just too drained to not put too much energy into another person. Word.

I don't know what my point is with this, except to say that I've felt that way before. Lol. But it's not fair to treat the next like the ex. <--yeah homie, i'm rhyming!

Oh, the question about if it's cocky to ask if you "ruined" someone. Idk, I feel like that's a respectable characteristic, to want to be aware of your past flaws. And sometimes, I feel like it's a good time to give that other person a chance to say what they really felt, because like I said, people choose their battles in relationships. I've had ex's asked me what they did right and what they did wrong in the past, and I think it gave us both a good sigh of relief. I don't know if it counts that I broke off the relationships or not. But I only break off because it always ends up that I'm quietly suffocating what the other person is oblivious or unable to change their ways.

Does that make me the victim then?

Who knows. I don't see myself as a victim. Misunderstood, maybe. But not a victim.

Anyway, enough on relationships and such tonight, just needed to share. BUT:

Feel free to give me your perspective. Do you feel like you can ruin or be ruined by someone?

In other news, I'm still looking for a boo. :-)
Just Kidding! Lmao. I'm chilling.
♥ Shay

What I've Been Up To

My apologies everyone for not writing lately. Not doing a good job of keeping ya'll entertained am I?

Let me just say that I've had some eventful times lately. This is huge news because anyone that has talked to me lately knows how bored I've been in Memphis for the longest. The last couple of weeks have been really good to me though. I've been out a few times with friends, new and old. Possibly had some spirits...:-)....lifted that is. Just a good time.

One of my previous posts talked about lack of patience and how to get the time to past a little faster. A fellow blogger in the blogosphere- KT -- suggested that I live a little, following the famous motto that "Time flies when you're having fun." Well that's what's been happening! And the memories I've had the last couple of weeks are priceless. Before I realized it, August is sneaking up on me.

Life is just good right now. Financially, I'm still in a hole, and it's actually deeper. I had to pay for an optometrist appointment, have to pay on $200+ eyeglasses, and have a series of dentists' appointments coming up. PLUS I have to figure out how to get this stuff for school.
But none of that matters right now. Life is good. I have an amazing big sis, an adorable baby niece, even more nieces and nephews, parents who just celebrated a 32nd anniversary, a cousin who's still my right hand (wo)man when it comes to it, and some crazy/sexy/cool friends.

Why should I complain?

My big bro from WashU, Gerald (follow him here), wrote on the #howdareyou trend a couple days ago. The best: #howdareyou complain all the time. Life's too short for all that. That's how I'm feeling right now. What's the use of making your life and the ones around you suffer from your skewed perspective?

Get out and live! Take the bad if it comes your way. It'll make the good that much sweeter! Enjoy the time with old friends, and take the time to make new ones. And don't forget the smiles and the moments that make you smile. You'll need them on the dark nights.

So yeah. Pardon me for not writing. I've had a few issues brewing in me, but none that can be developed enough to post here. I don't know...I could just do a variety day and post it all. But you all will have to comment!

♥ and Peace,
Shay

Poetry Corner: Nikki Giovanni

My favorite poet is Nikki G. Period. Lol. And I ran upon this poem that fits my current sentiments to a tee. All I Gotta Do is wait lol

All I Gotta Do

all i gotta do
is sit and wait
sit and wait
and it's gonna find
me
all i gotta do
is sit and wait
if i can learn how

what i need to do
is sit and wait
cause i'm a woman
sit and wait
what i gotta do
is sit and wait
cause i'm a woman
it'll find me

you get yours
and i'll get mine
if i learn
to sit and wait
you got yours
i want mine
and i'm gonna get it
cause i gotta get it
cause i need to get it
if i learn how

thought about calling
for it on the phone
asked for a delivery
but they didn't have it
thought about going
to the store to get it
walked to the corner
but they didn't have it

called your name
in my sleep
sitting and waiting
thought you would awake me
called your name
lying in my bed
but you didn't have it
offered to go get it
but you didn't have it
so i'm sitting

all i know
is sitting and waiting
waiting and sitting
cause i'm a woman
all i know
is sitting and waiting
cause i gotta wait
wait for it to find
me

Written by Nikki Giovanni

Like it says...."it" will come to me. All I got to do is wait. As I learned from a very insightful cartoon show (lol)...Good things take some time.

♥ Shay

Who Completes Me?

Let's get something straight.

I'm not that scared to admit my flaws. I'm far from perfect, and even a premature look at this blog can tell you that. And I don't think I'm holier than anyone.

With that said, I wanted to talk about a major error in relationship mentalities:

You complete me.

We love to hear people say it to their mates. We long for the day to say it to someone. When they say it in love stories, we go "aawww!"

But we shouldn't. This is not a good thing!

Now, before you start labeling me as a bitter young lady, just listen.

A pastor once came to our worship service at my college. We were talking about relationships, and he's the one that brought up the point that we shouldn't look for someone to complete us. The truth is...you should be complete before you ever try to find someone to be with. If you look at your life and say, "Something's missing," then don't try to fill it with a person! It probably means something is missing, and you should figure out what it is about your world that is leaving you feeling like that.

Look at it this way: if you have a "hole" in your life, and you fill it with someone, you become attached to that person prematurely. You're so occupied with making sure your "hole" is filled that you fail to evaluate what you're filling it with. And when that person leaves, what are you left with?
A bigger hole than you had at first. You will have given this someone some of yourself [time, energy, intimacy, etc] that you'll feel like you can't get back.

Instead, after you're pretty complete and confident on your own, find someone to complement you. Granted, this should be a person who doesn't need completing as well.

Let's briefly clear a misconception though:
Being complete does not equal being perfect.
It doesn't mean that you have to wait to finish school, find the perfect job, have your own place, have your own car, and etc. If that what works for you, then by all means, do it. But these are not absolute terms of being complete.Completing yourself is a mental confidence and assurance you have to have before you go along meshing your life with someone else's.

• If you're not over your ex, you're not complete. If you get in a relationship in this state, you're just be replacing the last one with the next one, and the pain will build.
• If you have self-esteem issues, fix that before you move on. Because you'll use the next guy/girl's affection as a substitute for the confidence you should have yourself. This won't seem like a problem in the midst of the relationship, but if things ever get rocky, it will all come crashing down.
• If you haven't made serious decisions about your life [how long do I want to be in school? when am i comfortable having sex? what do I look for in a guy/girl?] then you should answer those questions for yourself. If you don't, someone else will answer them for you.

None of this makes for less romance. It doesn't mean you can't look forward to a mate. It doesn't mean that someone isn't coming to sweep you off your feet or change your world. It just means that when they come, you'll be grounded and ready for take-off. Who wants to catch someone who's drifting?

I've had to learn a lot of this the hard way, and I'm still in the process of learning. Like I said, I'm not perfect. To be honest, I don't think I'm complete at the moment. But I'm working towards it.

Fill your own holes people. Don't let someone else fill them for you.

**oh, in case in needs to be said, this is my own opinion and perspective. the only idea that has been borrowed is the idea of being complemented vs completed. the interpretation of this is my own.**

♥ Shay

Those Who Are Patient --> Aren't Named Shay

Hello my blog loves:

sorry it's been a while since I checked in. I've been trying to update from my cell phone with the mobile thingy, but it wouldn't let me :-/ which had delayed me even more from posting.

So today, I really want to deal with this waiting game in life. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I have NO patience for anything. But I have to bring up patience because it goes hand in hand with worrying less.

I've learned to lean on faith more than doubt lately. I realize that whenever it looked like a problem was to big for me to jump over, I made it. And whether you worry or you don't worry, time goes on and you get through it. So lately, I don't worry about not having a job, I don't worry about having a dead car, I don't worry about having money to get a new car, and I don't worry about all the friends and loved ones that aren't around anymore. Why? Because anything I need and most of the things I want will come when the time is right.

Alright....I accept that. But my question is always: when?!?

So you see, I don't worry about if things will happen. But I pace back and forth, check the calendar, speculate, and fantasize about the day when things will fall in place for me. Patience...people with patience and faith have a greater level of peace and joy than I can currently possess. People with patience really do only have to worry about the here and now.

With faith, you stop worrying how the past and present affect your future. And if you add patience, you stop worrying about how far your future is from your present. put those two together and voila! You can finally calm down and find some enjoyment in your life.

So for those of you with patience, I ask for you to share: How does one build their patience?

And for those of you like me who are lacking, let's see if we can try to figure out the answer ourselves.

Peace and love everyone!

and next post....hair updates!

A Writer's Fear

Words don't fail me now,
Not when I have so much to say
Come easily, don't fight me
There is so much at stake

Fingers to keys
Take this stress away from me
Scrawl the pain from my heart
Suck the poison from my mind
My emotions have waged a war on me
Words, if you don't help
I'm sure I'll be defeated.

The excessive love in my system
Is too much pressure on my heart
It's causing pains and malfunctions
Threatening to rip apart my heart
Expel it from my system
Investigate it on paper
Save my life, words,
So I can live to tell the story

Words are all I need to get better
If only they cooperate
No drugs, no drinks, no cuts
Returns my smile like a good poem
-Written by Moi

Writing is my therapy, and I love to write. People give me compliments a lot about my writing abilities, but there is always a need, a want, to improve and get better.
But there's usually something else: doubt.

definition: doubt.
A fluctuation of mind arising from defect of knowledge or evidence; uncertainty of judgment or mind; unsettled state of opinion concerning the reality of an event, or the truth of an assertion, etc.; hesitation.

Sometimes you can never be sure if you're making a difference with your writing. Many people read without giving feedback, and more often, people never get around to reading what you have to say at all.
Or you criticize yourself too much, wondering if you should have said it "that" way over the the way you actually expressed yourself. I don't know any writer who doesn't wonder that.

It's more than just writers though. Everyone has doubted themselves at points. Especially when the situation they're in dramatically contrasts with where they aspire to be.

An interesting quote to ponder:

Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
Kahlil Gibran

Letting go of doubt, and latching on to faith is a good move to make. I don't try to make anyone do anything they don't want to do, but there are my opinions and my suggestions.

Doubt and faith both feed off the same thing: the unknown. How you react to the unknown determines whether you doubt or if you have faith.
When you panic, worry, and let the fact that you don't know what the future holds scare you, you doubt.
When you have confidence, believe everything is going to be fine, and perceive your future as the product of doing your very best, you have faith.

(Yes, this epiphany just came to me as I wrote. Lol. Even though part of me knew this all along...)

So writing is my therapy and it makes me feel better. Someone (or some people) out there enjoys my writing, what I do.
Therefore, I won't stop. Won't let my doubt override my faith. I'mma do me.

I'm gonna write.
Hearts and Love